I turn to Bucho, who sits stock-still like she’s the one being interviewed. It’s time to get her involved. “Do you agree, Bucho?” She blinks at me.

“Oh, that’s okay —” Zaniel starts in, but I interrupt him. I’ve got plenty of questions for this candidate, this time.

“Fine, I’ll rephrase: What makes you think you would make a good English teacher for young children?”

“Ah, Cybelle, hmm …” Manager interrupts. “That is … hmm, a difficult question. Maybe …” He invades my personal space again to lean over my interview sheet. He beams and taps question #3: Do you like children? “Ah, maybe, ask this question?”

Interview Commando at a time like this? Seriously? “It’s a valid question. I’m sure he can answer it.”

“Valid?” he struggles with the word. He half-turns to Bucho for clarification but the look on her face is so stern he knows it’s the worst time to let it show that he doesn’t understand. “Eh … ‘balid’?”

“Yes,” I reply tersely. “Valid.”

“Ballad? Eh, music ballad? Eh? Hmm …” he mutters to himself; eventually, he sucks air through his teeth. “I think, maybe, it’s too difficult. You must be very tired, Kamisawa-san. Is it okay if Cybelle-sensei asks one or, maybe, two more questions? Maybe, easy question?”

“FINE.” I realize I’m being a huge bitch but I want this interview over. “What are three things you would like to do in the future that you’ve never done before?”

“Ooh, good one. Let’s see. I’d like to …” Zaniel trails off, absent-mindedly stroking his lower lip in deep thought. “I need to learn how to swim. To be honest, I’m terrified of water. I don’t think I even know how to float. So, learning to swim would be first on the list. Second, hmm, I don’t want to say travel the world, everybody says that. I guess it’d be neat to see what Southeast Asia is like. I definitely want to check out Thailand and Cambodia someday. And, for the third … let me think … I’ve never really explored Japan much, so I guess I’d like to take a road trip somewhere. My grandma has this scooter she’s always bugging me to put to use.”

Bucho and Manager marvel at his “sugoi” answers. I can tell Bucho is restraining herself not to clap for him. I have to admit, even I’m feeling flabbergasted. I must look it, too.

“Is that a good sign?” he asks me.

“Oh, yes! Very good, very good,” Manager nods several more times. “Okay, let’s ask question number three, Cybelle-sensei!”

“All right. Do you —”

“Ah — Cybelle, you are, not taking notes?”

“Am I supposed to be?”

Across the table, Zaniel coughs. I think he’s trying not to laugh. Underneath my jacket, the armpits of my shirt feel like sponges soaked in brine. I hope this is all a nightmare, but it’s too real to be. I skip down to question five and look him dead in the eyes. They must be coloured contacts. “If you could be any kind of fruit, what would you be and why?”