I heard the crack of a whip and my body melted, even though he hadn’t touched me yet. And he wouldn’t. Not with his hands, anyway. Not for hours, while he teased me and tortured me and made me give every part of myself over to him.

I relaxed. My monsters will be kept at bay.

I could finally be me.

—

It was hours later, aching, breathless, and more myself than I had felt in weeks, that I finally woke up again. Our night was ending. He was getting ready to leave. I was in bed, blindfold still on, but I could hear him. I listened, trying to guess what he was doing. I could hear a zipper being done, and a clink of something, maybe cuff links. As always, I yearned to sneak a peek at him. To catch a glimpse of this man who changed everything for me. But I kept my blindfold on. Those were the rules. And I always, always played by the rules. He knew that. He knew me.

“Thank you for a lovely evening, my dear. You can remove your blindfold when you hear the door close,” he said, his voice dripping over me like a luxurious oil.

“Mm-hmm,” I replied, feeling the soft folds of the sheets. The room was mine until tomorrow, where I could have breakfast in bed if I wanted before the limousine would drop me back home. I’d have a bath after he left, I thought, touching the welts that were starting to develop on my butt and thighs. Thank goodness for the fancy lotion in the bathroom. That always helped.

But first I needed to check my phone. The urgency of it slapped me out of my warm daze.

It was like he could feel the shift of energy in the room.

“Clara?” he asked, an edge of hesitation in his voice.

“Yes?” I sat up. He never calls me by my name—fake one included. He certainly never makes small talk afterward. I hoped he wasn’t asking about drinks again. I didn’t think I had it in me to dodge it a second time.

“Is everything all right?”

“All right?”

“Yes. You, well, seemed a little distracted today.”

It was her post. I knew it. Every time I thought I’d pushed it out of my mind, it would sneak back in. A thorn in my side. Impossible to ignore.

I thought I’d done a good job pretending that it hadn’t taken over my thoughts. I guess I was wrong. But what could I tell him? Sorry I wasn’t all here. My old best friend, who I haven’t spoken to in years, whose social media accounts I stalk relentlessly, just said she had a huge announcement, and I’m filled with so much unexplained dread that I can’t relax until I figure out what it is.

No, I could never tell him that. That, especially that, was certainly not part of our arrangement.

“I have a few things on my mind.” I kept my voice light. “You know how it is.”