However, the guilt only lasts a remorseful thread or so before one of us points out that no matter what she is going through, Faith Massey chose to deceive her fans, and we are once more consumed by rage. We say adios to our lingering inhibitions and team up with the Voydals for some seriously off-the-hook trolling. On social media, we manipulate pictures of Commander Dinara Gorun to include block lettering of “Cheater” or “Junkie” or “Terrible Mother” and we tag Faith. To the covers of Commander Dinara Gorun’s THE BODY we add “of lies” so it reads Commander Dinara Gorun’s THE BODY OF LIES. To Skinny Friend frozen dinner packaging, we change Skinny Friend to Not So Skinny Friend. The drawing entitled The Rape of Commander Dinara Gorun depicting the rape of Commander Dinara Gorun by a Voydal is taking it too far, we agree, but we require catharsis. “Thanks for ruining our childhoods,” we write, and we send messages composed using pen and paper, using postage we bought with money! When the tabloids document her stumbling out of a bar and a breast with nipple hanging out of her shirt along with the headline “Faith Massey Meltdown,” it is what she deserves. And hey, we finally saw her rack, even if we had to wait decades. Jake Knight issues a statement, in which he pledges his eternal affection for Faith Massey. Also, he does not have herpes, and certain ex-employees might want to be more circumspect about what they blab about on the internet, as someone, such as an attorney, might put two and two together.

An announcement is planned at Comic-Con in San Diego, where there will be a cast reunion for Starship Uprising. We speculate as to what it is, but many of us are adamant that we must boycott. That said, we are too curious for our own good and can’t stay away. Donning our costumes, we are a rambunctious horde of spandex and leather, a crushing throng of selfie sticks that poke each other in the back, and this time we have brought signs. Our signs are inscribed with NERD GIRLS RESIST! or I HAVE FAITH or I AM CAPTAIN JOHN AUGUSTUS FLINT, DON’T YOU WANT TO FUCK ME? On stage, the crew of the Audacity gathers holding hands while the trumpety theme song warbles through the air. When Faith Massey is introduced, there are boos, but she silences us with a finger to her lips and shushing noises. “The story of Commander Dinara Gorun is one of survival,” she whispers into the microphone, “of fighting for what’s right, the odds be damned. It’s a story that’s desperately needed by another generation.” And then it happens—a Chokut Sar mask sails across the sea of us, and it almost floats (that’s how we will recall the altercation later, while we upload our phone video) as it pauses for a second in front of a frightened Faith Massey, like it was deciding if this is really what it wanted to do, before thwapping her in the face with its floppy insect antennae dildos. A brawl breaks out between Voydals and a purple posse of jacked Kil’aathi as she flees the scene, hysterical. Alas, the rest of us do not find out what was in the announcement.