I choose to lean on the doorframe, too jittery to sit down.

If he chews any slower, I’m going to snatch his bagel away, holding it hostage until he tells me why I’m blind.

After swallowing another chug of orange juice, Jasper starts explaining, “She’s into you.”

“She told you that?”

Like we’re back in high school, I’m about to demand an exact play-by-play of their conversation, but my roommate shakes his head.

“Not exactly. But I can tell. It’s more in the things she didn’t say. You’ve just gotta trust me.”

When he’s saying exactly what I want to hear, I don’t need much convincing.

“Okay. Will do.” My phone is out, a text open, and I’m brainstorming exactly how I want to ask her out. That is, until Jasper leans over and snatches it out of my hand. “What the fuck, dude?” Only the steaming cup of tea I’m holding keeps me from lunging after him.

“I’m not done. Put your dick back in your pants.”

“My dick isn’t out of my pants.” My muttered comeback is lame, and I know it.

“Listen to me. Before you ruin everything.” He glares at me until I nod, holding up my free hand in surrender. “So, yeah, she’s interested in you. But she doesn’t want to be.”

Well, fuck me. Stab a guy in the gut, why don’t you?

I’ve tried not to let on how different I’ve been feeling these past few years, but it’s not like I can hide all the physical effects. I used to be in great shape. Like run a marathon, climb a mountain, swim a few miles in the ocean shape. But I’ve lost muscle and weight, now a reduced version of myself. Early on, I started to smell bad because of the fluids not being properly filtered through my kidneys. Thank the universe the odor went away once I began dialysis, but that came with its own body-image issues. Now, there’s my fistula, an ugly, twisting bulge on my forearm where I have to hook myself up to the machine.

So, yeah, I’m not going to win any modeling contracts. But I’ve been hoping that, since Holly only knows what I’m like now, she might still find me attractive. She doesn’t have the past version of me to compare this sickened form to.

Guess I was wrong.

“Okay. I get it. I won’t make a move.” I turn to leave.

“Fucking. Dumb. Ass.” When I glance back at Jasper, he’s glaring at me again. “It’s not because she thinks there’s something wrong with you. It’s because of the exchange. She’s probably worried, if anything happens between you two, that it won’t work out. And then what happens with the kidneys? Does her brother still get one?”

“That’s crazy. Fred wouldn’t back out of the exchange.”

That earns me a scoff. “You kidding? Your cousin would do anything you asked him to. He worships the ground you shit on.” He shrugs. “Besides, she hinted that it’d happened before.” He holds up his hand when I open my mouth. “I don’t know the details. You’d have to ask her. But, if she’s been screwed in the past, then she’s probably being cautious. And having sex with the guy you’re giving your kidney to is not exactly recommended.” Then, he hits me with his evil grin. “Of course, if she’s going to be inside you, it’s only fair you get to be inside her.”