“You can. But, Holly,” his mom is speaking again, “we can help you in other ways. We know you don’t have much money. But you don’t ever have to worry about that again.” Mr. Gerhard steps forward to wrap an arm around his wife’s shoulders, nodding as he stares at me. “Whatever you need, however much you want, we’ll give it to you. Just please, save our son.”

She slides a piece of paper across the island to me, and purely on reflex, I pick it up.

“Stop it. Both of you. This isn’t what I want. You can’t put this kind of pressure on her,” Ben growls.

Why is he so angry? Should I be angry?

Right now, I’m just lost in the hurt. My skin is flayed open, all my nerves exposed and in agony. My heart breaks for my brother. The Gerhards must hear it cracking. The pain is too powerful to be inaudible.

“We have to! I don’t ever want to get another phone call from Sammy, saying you’re in the hospital! You could’ve died!”

“That’s not the point!”

Hospital? Was Ben in the hospital?

With each beat of my fractured heart, the anguish inside me pulses. My brain wants to escape my head, growing and pushing at the confines of my skull.

I ache.

Focusing on something else might help me forget, if only for a moment. The first thing available is the paper in my hand. So, I hone in on it, studying each aspect to give my mind an escape.

The shape and layout are familiar. A small rectangle, lines filled in with written words. Some of those words look like my name. Then, there’s a long line with no handwriting. An empty space waiting to be filled in.

This is a check. A check made out to me. A blank check.

“Has anyone offered to pay you for your kidney?”

Just like that, real time slams back into place. I drop the bribe like it’s covered in anthrax, stumbling out of the chair and wiping my hands on my clothes, fearing the psychiatrist will somehow smell it on me.

“Are you insane?”

Whatever argument the three of them were in the middle of stopped the moment I moved, and both Ben and his mom flinch at my words.

Ben recovers first, reaching his hands out to me, palms up, as if I were a wild animal in need of soothing. In a way, that’s what I am. Rabid, my brain melting, wanting to attack something, anything, as I grind my teeth.

“No, Holly, no. I would never expect you to. I know you need to find Marcus a kidney. It’s okay.”

He takes a step forward, but I fling my arms out to ward him off. The fact that I crave his comfort shows how little I deserve it.

“This wasn’t supposed to be about you!” My voice reverberates around their stupidly large house. “I wanted to save Marcus!”

“I know, Holly. You still can.” Ben’s trying to reassure me with his calm voice.