Sometimes, while lying in my bed, I’ve imagined being with Ben. And, a time or two, I might have brought myself to the finish line with those thoughts. But none of those fantasies were actually set here; they were just vague images my mind created of lips and hands and skin and pleasure.

This is real and potent.

“What are you thinking about?” Ben’s question pulls me out of my fog.

Apparently, I’ve been staring at him again.

He stares at me with searching eyes, so I blurt out the first answer that comes to mind, “I’ve never had a guy up here before.” At least, this isn’t the dirtiest aspect of what was playing in my head.

Ben appears both surprised and pleased. “Really? None of your booty calls made the cut?”

“Nope.”

I never liked the idea of Roderick in my space. What if he didn’t want to leave when we were done? So, we stuck to his apartment.

I realize I haven’t thought about my hook-up buddy in weeks, and I probably wouldn’t have today if it wasn’t for Ben bringing him up. Guess that makes it super clear that my decision to end things was the right way to go.

After spending all this time with Ben, I’m coming to realize that, when you want to make space in your life for someone, it’s not that hard. And I’m thinking a hook-up isn’t what I need anymore.

Things shouldn’t go beyond friendship between the two of us. But maybe I should be open to a relationship with someone. Someone who makes me feel safe and comfortable yet also aroused, like Ben does.

I think I’m ready for more.

Trouble is, Ben’s the one in my bed when I come to this realization.

BEN

I’m the only man who’s been in her bed before.

Like a caveman, I swell with primal pride.

Holly’s bedroom is tiny, like her. And sexy, like her. I think it’s the red-tinged lighting produced by the fabrics she’s hung from the ceiling.

And the mattress is begging me to lie back, to lounge on its pillowy surface. I’d grab Holly’s hand, so she’d land on top of me. Then, we’d kiss long and slow until we realized that too much time had passed for us to make our drive today. Instead, she’d invite me to spend the night here, with her, in her comfy little tent of a room. A night with Holly in my arms is vacation enough for me.

“Ben?” Her voice brings me back to reality. “You ready to go?”

Reluctantly, I nod and wait for her to descend the sturdy white ladder before making my own way down, worried about stepping on her slim fingers. When we’re on the same level again, I get the sense that Holly is waiting for me to say something, like she’s guarding herself against it. There’s the beginning of a wall; she has put down a few bricks and is reaching for more.