‘I’d better go,’ she said, and I realised her eyes were full of tears.

‘I’m so sorry, Poppy, I never meant to hurt anyone.’

‘I know you didn’t, Lils. It just makes him so sad when he thinks of the things that you have missed out on and he was so happy when you began…’ She spread her hands. ‘Living again. It’s just hard for him to see you so unhappy and retreating back into yourself. He’s worried and sad for you and unfortunately it’s come out as anger because he’s frustrated.’ She gave me a hug before bending and ruffling Clive’s fur and placing a kiss on top of his head.

‘Felix is right about the wedding, though,’ she said, turning at the front door. ‘It’s this weekend so too late to cancel on them and, as he said, they are looking forward to seeing you. You were all such great friends growing up. I think it would be rude to cancel now.’ With that, she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and crunched off across the gravel to the car in which Felix sat waiting. Neither of them looked back as they drove off. I had never felt so alone. The click of toenails made me look down.

‘Come on, boy, let’s go for a walk.’ It was the last thing I felt like doing but I’d upset people close to me and right now it felt like Clive was the only good thing I had, and he asked for so little.

The golden blaze of sunrise melted into a clear sky of cerulean blue, the temperature generously staying at a mild level considering the time of year. I hadn’t heard from Felix since the argument and unusually only received one text message from Poppy saying that she hoped I was OK, followed by a hug emoticon. I knew now that, despite trying to fool myself for the past couple of months, I was far from OK. I hadn’t been from the moment I told Jack it wasn’t going to work. I’d hurt people including those who had supported me at a time I needed it the most. Felix was right. I should have got help but refused to see the need for it, instead shutting myself away and thinking that closing myself off to everyone and everything would protect me from hurt. In the end, it hadn’t, and had only spread the hurt to other people, good people, something I would struggle to ever forgive myself for.

Parking the car in the playground car park, I walked up to the village. Had I had my hiking boots on I could have walked, but the church was a little far for me to go the whole way in heels.

Approaching the church, I could see the crowds of people, and wondered if we’d all fit in there. There were whispers behind hands but there were also waves and smiles and I did my best to keep my head held high. I could have rung Felix, apologised and gone in with them but I knew I needed to do this alone, to prove to him and to myself that I could do it. Jack had been right when he’d said I was living in the shadows and I had been for far too long. It was time to step into the light, no matter how scary and bright it felt right at this moment.