Well, thank God he hadn’t confessed to loving her. Good call.

“I know that sounds ridiculous,” he rambled. “We’re in our thirties. But—” But this started when we were kids, he almost said, and thank God for his rarely used brain-to-mouth filter that kicked in and cut him off. Not yet. Not yet. “But I don’t know how else to put it,” he finished. “Talking to you is the best part of my day, even if we only do it through Instagram DMs. And talking to you in person, with words, it feels like … coming home.”

“That’s because we only ever talk when you’re at home,” she cut in sharply. Her expression was still unreadable, and her breaths were a little shallow, but at least she’d said something.

“Yes,” he agreed slowly, “but also because you make me happy. I can be myself around you, and I love it when you’re you, and I just want to make you smile, and also, like I said, you’re very beautiful and kind of incredibly hot. I could say more, but it might veer into unromantic territory.”

Silence. Then she repeated, the word so thin it was practically transparent, “Unromantic?”

“Yes. Because this, what I’m saying right now, is supposed to be romantic. That’s what I’m trying to do here. I don’t know if you want me to do that, but I kind of hoped you might consider it, and that’s what I’ve been trying to … to figure out, I guess. If you would be open to it. But clearly I wasn’t very good at it, because plans and subtlety and stuff isn’t really my thing. I guess my thing is flopping my feelings onto the table like an unasked-for penis, but trust me when I say I’m really trying to be restrained here, Abs, and, er, I know this is a lot, so … you don’t have to answer right now, or anything. I just … I don’t want to lie to you, Abbie. You asked me what’s happening. So. That’s what’s happening.”

For a moment, Will felt a thousand times better, getting all that off his chest. Then a few more seconds ticked by, and Abbie remained silent and obviously astonished, and Will remembered why he’d been aiming to reveal that stuff incrementally instead of all at once: Abbie didn’t really like emotions, or surprises, or surprising emotions.

He watched, his cheeks warm and his palms kind of sweaty, as she opened and closed her mouth a few times like a fish. Which wasn’t the greatest sign. Then she made things a thousand times worse by saying, “Will. What the fuck?”

And that, of course, was the exact moment Ms Tricia burst into the room.

Four

@DoURe1dMe: Hey, do you know where this quote’s from?