Jason: You know, when you ring someone four times in the dead of night without sending a text to explain why, they might wake up the next morning and see the missed calls and think you were having a cat-induced asthma attack and they slept through it and left you to die in the wilds of Scotland. And then they might call their annoying sister to check on your welfare and be ruthlessly mocked. Learn to text, you fucking donkey dick.

Will laughed out loud at that one and hit Call.

Jase answered on the sixth ring, probably because he was busy pleating a bolt of silk or something fancy like that. “Yeah?” he barked. His usual greeting, so Will didn’t take it personally.

“You know I hate texting. Sorry.” Writing stuff down took so long, and anyway, Will was bad at waiting for answers. If he didn’t get a reply within three minutes, he’d wander away from his phone and forget the entire conversation.

“Yes, fine, you’re forgiven.” Jase sighed. “What’s up, anyway? Cats getting to you? Grandma getting to you? Abbie getting to you?”

“Abbie,” Will agreed.

“Oh. Really? Is she making fun of your teeth again? Because they’re honestly not that white.”

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that. Actually, it’s—well, I had decided, since it’s been a couple of years since the divorce and she seems happy now, and since I’m done with Captain X, and whatnot, which is kind of like fate, timing-wise…” Will realised he was rambling. He tended to do that when nervous. The media training hadn’t helped, but luckily, the press had found him charming.

Jase had never found him charming, though, so Will decided to cut to the chase.

“I’ve decided it’s time to find out if I have a shot with Abbie. So I’ve got a plan. I’m going to spend a year making her fall in love with me. Or trying to, anyway. That’s enough time, right? And I’m thinking of this Christmas as a kind of pre-season. A warm-up. I’m trying to, you know, flirt with her. Or whatever. Just to see if I can make her think of me that way, because I know she doesn’t think of me that way. But she could, right? Well, I hope she could. But I don’t know how last night went—she seemed kind of irritated, but then she always seems irritated, so…”