“Mel,” I began. “I just want to be upfront with you here. I’m not here to beg for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. I’m here to apologize.”

She stayed silent and took a sip of her coffee.

“I messed up. Completely. When you saw me that night, I was . . . I didn’t know what to think. The next morning when you left, I was scared, I was frightened — I didn’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have said what I said to you, Mel. I was scared because I was still trying to figure out how to navigate in this strange turn of events that I’m supposed to call a body. I was scared because I felt lost without you. Everything came crashing down at once, and I acted terribly. None of this is an excuse, because this is on me.”

Mel shook her head.

“Don’t ever put this on me again, Adrian. Listen, I understand that you were hurt. But if you ever speak to me like that again, I’ll be a disappearing act. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good.” She took another sip of her coffee and sighed. “As strong as you think I am, I’m not invincible when it comes to being hurt. You said some pretty awful things that night. I know you were dealing with a lot, but that’s not an excuse to take it out on me. I’m not someone you can just dump your emotions on. I’m better than that, and you know better.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“Are you though?” she asked. “I’m not just a character in your story who can keep all of your emotional weight. I can’t do all the work for you.”

“I know,” I told her. “You’ve given me so much of yourself, so much of your time and energy. It was wrong for me to ignore all of that.”

“It was. What you said to me was hurtful, and honestly, I really don’t know where this puts us. I made myself vulnerable to you and you pushed me away. It was really revealing.”

I sat there, worried. I didn’t know where it put us, either. Mel was one person I felt like I couldn’t lose. I cared about her a lot, but I wasn’t deserving of her. If she chose to move on without me, then it was something I’d have to deal with, even if it hurt. We sometimes hurt the ones we care about because we think they’ll take it. Not Mel. She made it clear. I still loved her, though. That hadn’t changed.

“I guess it puts us at a standstill,” I managed to say. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s on me to change, it’s on me to make the difference.”

“Well, then,” she said. “What are you going to do?”

“What I have to.”

“Be more specific.”

“I’m going to stop treating everyone as if they’re only a character in my story and work on rebuilding your trust.”