‘There now,’ said Patrick, in gruff approval. ‘That’s what normal people do. They lodge in a house. They do not sleep in a truck, on a residential road and smoke crack.’

‘You’re his lodger?’ said Stan, looking first at me and then at June.

‘Don’t pry into people’s private lives, please, Stanley,’ said June. ‘Many young people choose to pay rent in kind, these days. It’s deemed perfectly acceptable. I read all about it in The Times, just last week.’

‘So, Edie,’ said Giles quickly, clearing his throat, ‘shall we get some food and top up our drinks?’

I looked down at my glass, surprised to discover that I had somehow managed to drink over half its contents during the brief exchange regarding my landlord–tenant relationship with Giles. He, meanwhile, seemed to have downed his drink in one.

‘Those tomatoes do look lovely,’ I said.

‘Go and fill a plate,’ said June kindly. ‘And then Giles must introduce you to everyone else, before you make your speech.’

‘Oh yes, my speech.’ My stomach lurched and I took another gulp of wine. ‘I’d forgotten all about that.’

‘Come along then.’ Giles placed a guiding hand on my elbow, gently turning me towards the table. ‘Let’s get you something to eat and you can go over your notes.’

I attempted a withering look and he grinned in return.

‘Such a lovely couple. And it’s not at all going against nature,’ said June, as we headed, by mutual unspoken consent, straight past the food and back to the bottles of red wine.

‘Talk about a baptism of fire,’ I hissed, when we reached the sanctuary of the sideboard. ‘They really know how to lull you into a false sense of security with their grey hair and watery eyes, don’t they? I reckon I’m going be at least twenty quid out of pocket to Billy Bodhrán over there for gig tickets, and thank God I’ve only got a two-door car.’

‘Patrick mentioned parking to you, I take it.’ Giles took my glass from me and filled it to the brim.

‘Yes, he did. And hey, careful,’ I added, nodding at the glass. ‘I need to pace myself.’

‘Because of the speech?’

‘Oh God, the speech. I keep forgetting. Give me that.’ I took the glass, drank a third of it, and then held it out to him. ‘Top me up. I’m gonna need it.’

Chapter 12

By nine thirty, I had once again entirely forgotten about the speech and was, against all expectations, unequivocally enjoying myself. The number of wine-and-cheesers had increased by around a dozen and Giles told me that he reckoned about half of the avenue’s adult residents were now in attendance at what was an increasingly lively and noisy event.