I watched him unhurriedly chewing the mouthful and felt a resentment, of the kind I had just denied, begin to bubble up inside me. He was giving me nothing here.

‘And,’ I added, ‘I would just like to say that although I accept full responsibility for the current situation between us, your initially brusque and negative manner towards me did not get our relationship off to a great start.’

He stopped chewing and stared across at me. ‘What?’

‘There wasn’t a whole lot of warmth or enthusiasm on show when I first asked you to come for a drink after I got back from Italy,’ I pointed out.

‘Well, I’m so sorry if I appeared less than enthusiastic,’ he began, sounding mildly incredulous. ‘But at the time, I was soaked to the skin and aware that I had just been the subject of a whispered conversation between yourself and not-my-biggest-fan Ruby. It crossed my mind that your invitation to go for a drink might be some sort of joke at my expense. Then, of course, you appeared to confirm that to be the case by taking the piss out of my accent – like I was the Pearly King.’

‘Ah yes, now,’ I held up a finger, ‘I’m actually really pleased you’ve mentioned that, because it was a complete misunderstanding,’ I began a little uncertainly. ‘You see, I thought you were trying to assert yourself by pretending to be tall and Cockney. I had forgotten that you’re from the East End which, in my defence, isn’t hard to do because your accent comes and goes a bit with your nerves. So when I did my Cockney impression, I was trying…’ I hesitated, unable to recall at that particular moment what on earth I had been trying to do. ‘I think I was trying to level the playing field and also lighten the mood a bit.’

He had shown no emotion throughout my little speech but now sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. ‘You know, I don’t even know where to start,’ he said wearily. ‘Pretending to be tall?’

‘The thing is, I had just been told that you weren’t a very friendly person,’ I said desperately. ‘Something which, by the way, I was initially unwilling to accept. But when you were standing over me, all huge and gangland, I thought, Ooh, maybe it’s true. Maybe he isn’t a very friendly person after all. Your body language and your… your… surly diction made it much easier for me to make the mistake I then went on to make.’

He nodded. ‘Fair comment. You’re not the first person to mention my surly diction.’

‘Really?’ I asked, experiencing some relief that my perception of him hadn’t been entirely left-field.