It must seem strange, a woman in my situation, with a house that’s ninety per cent windows, but it’s all part of R’s game. He likes to make sure I am always switched on, always playing my part of doting wife. There are a few rooms in the house where there isn’t a view – those are usually the rooms he picks to teach me a lesson.

I see no point in lying to the officers about anything they already know. They saw me at my absolute worst and so it’s silly to pretend that everything is peachy. I can feel the concern coming from DS Miles and I know that he’s already too involved to let go. Maybe I need to be completely odious in order for him to walk away. I don’t want him to get hurt.

They ask me about Simon. I don’t remember the night that we ended up in the river but even if I did, I wouldn’t tell them. I remember what we arranged, but after I left the house that day everything is a blur. I have blacked out before and the doctor explained to me at the hospital that I had experienced head trauma and that it could affect my memory, maybe even permanently.

I can’t imagine R dumping us both in the river to be found; that seems far too clumsy for him. I just can’t remember. All I see when I try is that one image of Simon, begging for them to stop. I shake it off again. It’s my constant companion these last few days and part of me hopes I never regain the memory of the hours surrounding that moment.

The female officer, DS Imogen Grey, seems angry with me. I think there are several reasons for this. First, because she feels powerless to help me. She wonders why I am protecting R, but I am not protecting him, I am protecting her. Also, because my weakness reflects on her, on our gender, I know there are women out there who can’t imagine themselves in this situation – they are lucky. I didn’t go looking for this. This is the life that found me.

They ask me their questions and I bat away the ones I feel will help them in any way. I am purposely cold and obnoxious. I don’t want them to pity me; pity is the last thing I need. I don’t want their help.