Those three weeks should feel like a long time and for the most part it did, except when the memory of that night was more than a memory, it was happening all over again. Part of him wanted to run away from his life, from the people he knew. He was constantly reminded that he had forgotten how he used to be around them. Every interaction required a level of effort that he just couldn’t sustain. At least if he was somewhere new, he could be whoever he wanted and people would just accept that’s how he was, who he was.

At the station, he struggled to focus, always concerned with who was behind him, who was walking past. Trying to keep his nerve enough not to give himself away. Imogen was at lunch with Gary when Adrian arrived that day. He had taken the morning to wait for the doctor’s phone call. He didn’t go to see them, something he would have done before.

He pulled up the case they were working on and decided to do what he had been doing every day since he had come back. Reading through interviews, looking at pictures, cross-referencing suspects. All the while wondering if the attack on him had anything to do with this case. Realistically, it could be any number of cases he had worked on in the past. But he didn’t want to make any assumptions. It’s not like he was actively looking for a suspect in his own assault, but his mind was always there, every photo, every interaction. He wondered if that feeling would ever go away. It certainly didn’t feel possible now. Would he ever find peace until he knew who had done this to him?

He found himself looking through the list of Corrigan’s staff. He had a lot of employees. Was one of these names the name of the man who raped him? It seemed highly likely. He found the list that Gary had compiled of workers at Corrigan Construction who had served time for one thing or another. The chances were that if the person who assaulted him worked for Corrigan, he would be on that list. He printed a copy. He would take it home and see if he could find the man himself.

He didn’t know what he would do if he did find out who it was. Was he capable of killing? The idea of this man doing what he did to Adrian to anyone else was enough to make Adrian think that maybe he was. Then again, maybe he would get home and put the list in a drawer and never open that drawer again.