Maybe I can sell my belongings and put some cash together to start a new life. I don’t have access to the jewellery in our safe; only R has the combination for that. I know he doesn’t trust me with anything of value, but I know even my shoes could fetch a couple of hundred pounds each if I sold them. I don’t have a bank account, though, so unless I get paid in cash, I don’t see how I can do this. I can’t sell anything on the internet. All my documentation is in the safe with the other things that might help me to get away. He has thought this through. I am nothing but a pet.

I need to stop this madness – hope has only ever got me in trouble before.

I hear a car on the gravel outside and look to see the police pull into the driveway. It’s DS Grey and another officer who I haven’t seen before.

Where is Adrian Miles? My mind immediately thinks the worst, but on closer examination of DS Grey’s face, she doesn’t look grief-stricken, so maybe there’s a good reason for him not being here. Still, I have that sinking feeling. What if R has done something to DS Miles?

I feel sick at the thought of someone else getting hurt because of me. If only I could make R happy, make it so he doesn’t want to hit me anymore, then maybe we could be happy. I could accept my place here and no one would feel sorry enough for me to get involved. Part of me wonders if some of the reason R does the things he does is so that people will interfere, like he is looking for a reason to hurt people. It wouldn’t surprise me. I am exhausted trying to think of ways to fix this. I can’t.

Maybe I need to tell the police more. This will go on and on until R finally tries to kill me again.

I remember. What do I remember? I remember R telling me that I had gone too far this time and that he was going to kill Simon and make me watch. I can’t believe that he would let me go after that, but I just can’t remember how I ended up in the river.

DS Grey is different without her partner around. She seems softer, somehow. I wonder how much of her energy goes towards managing DS Miles when he is around. I notice women doing it a lot with their partners, trying to instigate damage control for some imaginary scenario that hasn’t even happened yet. I do it with R, so maybe that’s why I recognise it in her.