Upstairs, after she’s put Nick down to finish his nap in his cot, found a pair of nearly clean socks and her Wellingtons, sat on the bed to steady herself, her superheated brain cells popping like soda, a sidereal spree glimmering before her sore, abraded eyes, she knots more laundry into a dirty bath towel and listens to the awkward clinking of Ted feeling his way around her unfamiliar kitchen. She’s not going to stay here, no—fastening the buttons on her overcoat, coming down the stairs, hanging on to the handrail. No. Like a lamb to the slaughter. She’s got to get out.

“How do I … Sylvia?” Ted calls from the kitchen.

“What is it?” she asks impatiently from the hall by the front door. Frieda is still draped over his shoulder, unbudging. Ted is examining the alien baby bottle caddy at the sink.

“How do I do that?” he asks sheepishly.

“Boil it. Figure it out,” she answers, her fingers gripping the doorknob. She’s got to go.

18. “Lesbos”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“Lesbos”

LATE SEPTEMBER—OCTOBER 11, 1962

COURT GREEN

Tiny grasshoppers leaps randomly out of her path, airborne flakes of jade. She walks through the high, blonded grass and dying fern of the orchard, carrying a tin of golden syrup to feed her bees. There’s no use putting more energy into Ted, the midwife had counseled her a few days ago; Sylvia sat sobbing on a ladylike upholstered sofa in a room with a view of the moors, black-footed Pekingese puppies toddling like chubby infants at her feet. She clutched Ted’s cable from London in her hand—it was waiting for her when she returned home from Ireland alone, holding her breath, crossing from Dublin wondering if he would meet her at the station. Her knuckles stung; she’d scraped them on the sliding compartment doors of the train from Holyhead, trying to move all of their heavy luggage into the racks by herself. Who knows when he’ll have a change of heart. Think about yourself now, the midwife said, bringing tea on a tray, you and the children. You go to your study in the mornings; it’ll be good for you to have a routine. I’ll come by in the afternoons to visit, help you with the chores.