We all do.

“It finally stopped raining. Look up. Those are stars.”

We look up, and find ourselves staring into the Milky Way. Billions of stars strewn like jewels across the big Montana sky. I get a lump in my throat. Not sure why. How can something so beautiful make you feel a little sad?

Maybe because it points to the end of our ordeal. Surely, clear skies mean they’ll find us. That will be the end of our great and terrible adventure, struggling to survive in the Montana wilderness. Teaching ourselves how to tame the Crazy River. The killing river. Making grown-up decisions and grown-up mistakes. Being given the chance to balance the tragedy by saving one of the adults who tried so hard to help us.

Thinking about it makes me feel out of breath. Or it could be the smoke from the fire.

“Get some rest,” Mia says to Deke. “We’ll need your strength tomorrow. And maybe your courage.”

“Yes, boss.”

Mia responds, softly but firmly. “I’m not your boss, Deke. I’m your friend.”

I lie down beside the campfire, staring at the embers and trying to slow my mind down so I can sleep. I get this flash, more like a visit in a time machine than an ordinary memory, of Dad tucking me into bed. I was about four years old, and still afraid of sleeping with the lights out. Afraid of things that might be hiding in the dark. I can still feel his hand on my forehead, smoothing my hair away, as he smiled and said there was nothing to be afraid of, and that everyone had nightmares now and then.

“You’re in charge of the light,” he told me. “If you feel better with it on, leave it on, and don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about anything.”

If only I could do that. Not worry about anything. The sound of the whispering river puts me to sleep.

Day Seven

43. Big Red

We awake to a perfect blue sky. Hardly any clouds. Cool dry air.

Deke, rigging the carrier to his broad shoulders, is as bright and cheerful as the weather. “Today is the day,” he announces. “Byron James will have a fleet of rescue helicopters searching for us, so keep an eye out.”

Like he’s positive this will be our last day on the trail. I hope he’s right, but part of me is more cautious. Go forward hoping for the best, but never forget the danger all around us. Floods, mountain lions, bears. All kinds of creatures out there, capable of inflicting great harm, and the river itself can be deadly. The landscape of steep ravines is awesome, but dangerous. One wrong step, one slip in a bad place, and your life is over.

We know that. And we must not forget, we can never let down our guard.