Instagram Live Transcript

Tai: Hi, friends! Guess who I’m video chatting with today?

Live comment: Is it Linos Arnoix?

Live comment: Linos? <3 <3

Live comment: U and linos are soooo cute I die. Prince & princess of Viloxin

Live comment: When’s the royal wedding? #TaiHimUp

[Tai laughs]

Tai: No! It’s not Linos Arnoix. We’re just friends. [Tai blushes] I can be just platonic friends with the most breathtakingly beautiful and deeply eligible bachelor in Viloxin. I’m seventeen, y’all. No, no—I’ve got an even better surprise. Here’s a hint.

[Cheery text notification sound BLINGS]

Live comment: MONTY!!! biffle goals

[Tai beckons off-screen]

[Screen splits, and on a second screen, Saxim waves]

Tai: It’s Saxim, aka Monty! My forever best friend. Monty, do you remember how we made friends?

Saxim: Of course. Because we would both lay down our lives for an admission letter to Hogwarts. Can you imagine studying there? Just the smell of the books—

Tai: Monty’s a Ravenclaw!

Saxim: And Basil’s a Hufflepuff dressed in Slytherin skin.

[Tai laughs]

Tai: We used to play this game—a total Potter rip-off—called the Miraculous Adventures of Basil and Monty.

Saxim: We thought Basil and Monty were fine British names.

Tai: They are! [Tai shakes head] Wow. Am I a little too proud of our spin-off? Maybe. But it tied us to each other forever. Good thing my parents finally let me read the books, right?

Saxim: You mean, good thing you snuck into the school library and stole a copy. I’ll never forget casting fake spells with you in the Stökéwood gardens.

Tai: Real spells, Mont. Always real. But wait, before we put people to sleep with our prepubescent inside jokes, can you please tell me about the delicious video you discovered? You promised you’d tell me. [Tai looks at camera] She’s been keeping it a secret from me. I wish I could squeeze it out of her through the screens.

[Saxim grins]

Saxim: Did you all know Tai and her sister were child actors? No? Okay, good, because they weren’t.

Tai: True, true. The family business was a no-go. That’s why I also failed chem, right, Monty?

Saxim: They weren’t officially child actors, but they were forced to film a promo video for the Viloki tourism bureau when they were respectively six and seven.

[Zooming in on Tai’s eyes popping]

[Tai bursts out into laughter]

Tai: Oh no.

Saxim: Oh yes. It’s a cult classic.

Tai: Monty. Monty! Mont—

[Film rolls]