“Go!” I laugh quietly, giving him the encouragement he needs.

With a smile I haven’t seen in a long time, one that takes me right back to the very first moment I met him when we were just 9 years old, Nash exhales a trembling breath, offering me one last knowing look before turning and hurrying back to his post at the top of the aisle, and I sit, fidgeting nervously as his grandmother whispers something to me about how beautiful I look, which is precisely the moment I suddenly notice Harley, finding him watching me from the small huddle of groomsmen standing right up there with Nash.

My heart stops. He looks better than I could have ever been prepared for. In fact, I can’t even breathe right now as I stare at him completely unabashedly. His chestnut hair is swept back from his face, perfectly styled. The green in his eyes is illuminated, flickering shades of emerald and olive and flecks of gold with every lick of the candles scattered haphazardly around the altar. The stubble lining his jaw contradicts the perfectly tailored suit he’s wearing, which fits his body like a glove. He’s pure perfection.

Standing with his hands clasped behind his back, he leans in closer to Kevin, pretending to listen to whatever crude words are likely coming from his mouth, all the while watching me, his face a blank canvas despite the plethora of emotions flashing within his eyes. I try to offer him the smallest hint of a smile, but it’s a sentiment he doesn’t return, and that stings. Instead, he simply offers a curt nod before averting his eyes and turning to look toward the entrance as the telltale music begins to play throughout the space.

While everyone stands and turns to look toward the doors, I continue staring straight ahead as I make my way to my feet, wondering if that look was his way of telling me that it’s over. We’re done. Before we even had a real chance. And, at that sobering thought, my heart shatters, falling into a million jagged shards at the pit of my belly.

I swallow the pain and regret at the back of my throat, sniffling back the emotion as I watch Nash, witnessing that sudden look of adoration claim his face the moment he spots his bride at the end of the aisle. And it’s a bittersweet moment. I used to imagine this day, the way he would look at me when he got that first glimpse of me in my wedding dress. And while he may not be looking at me, from the way his brow climbs slightly higher, to the way his blue eyes light up, glistening with unshed tears, to the way the corners of his lips curve upward just a touch, it’s a beautiful sight. And I can’t help but smile as I watch my best friend marry the love of his life.

***

As the congregation of wedding guests gathers out on the patio dusk settles over the pristine view of the manicured golf course. I stand alone with a flute of champagne in one hand and a canapé in the other, staring out as the sky turns a deep shade of magenta with sparkling gold undertones. Its beauty is captivating, and at that moment, feeling as empty and as hollow as I do on the inside, I envy the breathtaking sky.