“Oh.” Her cheeks become pink, letting me know it’s not the case for her. I’m assuming the bald man sitting at the back of the pub who’s currently pinning me with his stare is the person in question.

And that’s the moment I realize I feel no jealousy toward him. None. In fact, if he makes Amber happier, then I’m glad he’s in her life. She’s a great person and deserves nothing less, no matter what happened in our past.

It’s also the moment I realize I didn’t love Amber as much as I loved the idea of her. I loved her like you love a gift that wasn’t exactly the one you asked for. You wanted this cologne, but your loved one gave you this other one instead. And while it’s not the one you initially wanted, it was a gift, so you want to love it. You want to think this is the perfect cologne, and after a while, you end up believing it. You wear it every day, love the way you smell, share the name proudly to your colleagues. But one day, you walk across the street and smell someone who wears the one you initially wanted, and you realize that you never actually loved your gift. You just convinced yourself that you did. And that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a great one. It simply wasn’t yours.

I loved being with Amber. I loved thinking about our future, about growing old together. But I never loved the exact timbre of her laugh when her dog jumped on her bed or the view of her drowning in my old winter coat or the way I would feel with only her, like I matter as much as everyone around me. I loved the idea of her, but I didn’t love her.

It only required me to fall head over heels in love with someone else to realize that.

“Look,” she says, twirling a blond strand between her fingers. “I just wanted to make sure that we were okay. I’d understand if you hate me after what I did, but—”

“I don’t hate you, Amber. You did the right thing.” She didn’t think we had a future together, and while I didn’t see it at first, I can only be grateful she made the decision she did back then.

“Oh, thank God,” she blurts, a hand on her chest. “It had nothing to do with you. I hope you know that.”

“I do.” It’s not a lie.

“Okay, well, I won’t bother you longer than necessary. Just wanted to say hi.” After a quick smile, she walks back to her table.

“Hey, Amber?”

She turns around.

“I’m glad I got to see you today.”

“Me too.”