I don’t think she believed me. She looked a lot like how Will did last week when he first saw my arm. My stomach gets all twisted up just thinking about it. It makes me angry. Furious.

I hate him, I think. That must be what this feeling is, because I want to hurt Will. Make him pay.

I know it’s not really his fault. I messed up this time. I should have told my dad it was broken as soon as it happened. I should have insisted on going to the hospital then and there, so Will would have never thought to suspect someone was hurting me. I could have just said I fell, and he would have believed me.

Not that it would have mattered. Our friendship was over the second my dad threatened to call his parents and tell them what he saw. Us holding hands. I didn’t want Will to get punished too, so I begged. I begged and I begged for my dad to not call them.

I couldn’t let Will get hurt, too, just because we were too young and stupid to think boys could like other boys. I knew better. In the books I read, it’s always a girl and boy. Movies too.

I just don’t see what the big deal is. Who cares?

But apparently, it’s a really, really big deal. My dad has never hurt me this bad before. I really thought he was going to kill me. He’s always in a bad mood enough as it is when this time of year comes around.

I shake my head. I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to remember what happened on my birthday, none of it. Eva once told me if you shake your head after waking up from a bad dream, it will go away when you close your eyes again. I don’t know if it works when you’re awake but it’s worth a shot. Anything to forget. So I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head—

The door creaks open.

I freeze.

My heart feels ready to burst out of my ears, it’s pounding so hard.

Heavy, scraping footsteps draw near—

“She’s gone.” He pauses, before adding stiffly, “You did good.”

My chest rises with a trapped breath. Relief and something else, something strange and unfamiliar, have hot tears forming along the edges of my vision. I don’t dare let them fall.

I know it’s not normal, not right, how my dad treats me. I shouldn’t have to work this hard to make him happy. Proud. But I also get it. If I loved someone like he loved my mom, and that person died, and I was stuck with the reason they died...well, I wouldn’t be too happy either.

I’d hate me too.

“You’re grounded for the summer. Once school finishes up, you won’t leave this house. We will never speak of this again.”

I suck in my cheeks, biting down the flesh until I taste blood.