“Some days I don’t think he has forgiven me. But divorce wasn’t an option. For Dave. I’d felt like I should let him go. Let him find happiness elsewhere, with someone better—someone who wouldn’t do what I had done. But he wouldn’t hear of it. For your sake, Ella.”

She reached over as if to pat my hand but then pulled back, tucking her fingers into a fist.

“Honestly, I’ve struggled since to forgive myself.”

“Then, why do it? Why cheat? Why stay? Why?”

She looked at me, and I saw the same fear ripple through her soul that slid over mine. I shivered, clutching the edges of the blanket tighter in my hands.

“Because sometimes you don’t act in your own best interests. Or rationally. Or with any thought other than to make the pain of the day-to-day stop.”

I swallowed slowly, trying to get enough moisture in my throat to ask the next question. “You think I should forgive him? You think that Simon wasn’t completely rational when he . . .”

Mum shook her head, her eyes tearing up again. “Sometimes, we do things that we will regret for the rest of our lives. No matter what the final outcome.”

14

Simon

Angelica hovered outside my hotel room door. I stopped midstride. The elevator started to close, and I hurried forward, scowling at the young woman in her jersey sweater dress.

“This is a bit much. Don’t you have something else to do?”

“Yes. I have lots of other things to do.” She pressed those sleek black frames up her nose. “But right now, you are my priority.”

“I don’t think I like the sound of that.”

“You shouldn’t,” she said with cheer.

“Let’s get this over with.” I shoved my keycard into the lock. After I opened the door, I waved Angelica into the room.

“Seems like you haven’t managed to get back with your wife.”

“Thanks for pointing out the obvious.” I tossed the keycard and my wallet on the desk, followed by my keys. “Anything else?”

“Um, you look like you haven’t slept much.”

I settled into the small love seat with a sigh, waving Angelica to the chair. “All true. On a positive note, I found out the child Ella’s carrying—that she’s struggling to carry—is most definitely mine. The doctor I met with also shared that the baby doesn’t have Huntington’s disease like my brother and father did.”

“That must be a relief.”

I dropped my head back against the unforgiving cushion. “You have no idea.” I swallowed the sour taste of fear. “I’m not sure I could put a child, put Ella and Jeremiah through that kind of pain.”

“Aren’t we having a Superman complex today.”