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Back When I Was Ten
Chapters (79)
  1. Cover
  2. WHEN I WAS TEN
  3. Dedication page
  4. Epigraph page
  5. PROLOGUE
  6. PART ONE
  7. 1
  8. 2
  9. 3
  10. 4
  11. 5
  12. 6
  13. 7
  14. 8
  15. 9
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. 13
  20. 14
  21. 15
  22. 16
  23. 17
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. PART TWO
  31. 24
  32. 25
  33. 26
  34. 27
  35. 28
  36. 29
  37. 30
  38. 31
  39. 32
  40. 33
  41. 34
  42. 35
  43. 36
  44. 37
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. PART THREE
  53. 45
  54. 46
  55. 47
  56. 48
  57. 49
  58. 50
  59. 51
  60. 52
  61. 53
  62. 54
  63. 55
  64. 56
  65. 57
  66. 58
  67. 59
  68. 60
  69. 61
  70. 62
  71. 63
  72. 64
  73. 65
  74. 66
  75. 67
  76. 68
  77. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  78. WHEN I WAS TEN
  79. Also by Fiona Cummins

Sara crouched by her sister’s bed and laid her head on the pillow next to her.

They stayed like that for several minutes, amidst the sound of quiet breathings, of love and hurt and fear, of knowing without speaking.

Eventually, Shannon pulled herself upright. Her cheeks were blotchy from crying and her eyes were glassy, an injured animal on the cusp of death.

She gestured to her hair, her voice a thin break. ‘Look what he’s done to me.’

Sara reached for her sister’s hand. ‘You still look beautiful.’

‘They said I can’t go tonight, even though I promised Kit I’d be there.’ Her lip trembled. ‘He’ll be waiting for me. But I don’t want to go now, anyway. Not like this.’

Sara didn’t know what to say. She didn’t care how she looked and couldn’t think of any boys she liked in the way Shannon liked Kit. She was in the last year of primary school, still clinging to childish things. She enjoyed sketching animals, roller skating and collecting shells. Shannon was only two school years above her, but light years away.

‘It’s all my fault,’ said Shannon, shaking her head in despair. ‘I should never have sworn at Danielle. If only I’d ignored her, Pamela would have had nothing to tell Richard.’ She wrung her hands. ‘If only I could do something right for a change. They’d love me then.’

She got off the bed and stared at herself in the mirror. Fresh tears, and something else. Anger. She tugged at the uneven tufts of her hair and her eyes were dark as night.

‘I hate them,’ she said. ‘I fucking hate them.’

29

The trouble with storming off is I don’t know where to go.

I consider walking to the village shop, but my purse is empty – I kick myself for refusing my father’s fifty pence – and despite the blue skies, it’s even warmer than it looks, the sun having burned off the early-morning chill.

By the time I’ve reached the end of our path, I’ve already changed my mind, but it’s too late to go back, and I wouldn’t want to anyway, not while she’s there, so I decide to go down to the river.

As I turn left, I see Mrs Carter’s car on the driveway, which must mean Shannon and Sara are home from dancing. I change course and head up the way to Hilltop House.