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Chapters (70)
  1. Cover
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  3. Map of Rutland
  4. Map of Oakham
  5. 1
  6. 2
  7. 3
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. 8
  13. 9
  14. 10
  15. 11
  16. 12
  17. 13
  18. 14
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
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  25. 21
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  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. 35
  40. 36
  41. 37
  42. 38
  43. 39
  44. 40
  45. 41
  46. 42
  47. 43
  48. 44
  49. 45
  50. 46
  51. 47
  52. 48
  53. 49
  54. 50
  55. 51
  56. 52
  57. 53
  58. 54
  59. 55
  60. 56
  61. 57
  62. 58
  63. 59
  64. 60
  65. 61
  66. 62
  67. 63
  68. On Borrowed Time
  69. Acknowledgments
  70. Adam Croft

Caroline looked at the clock on Dexter’s dashboard. There were still twenty minutes to go until the meeting time. She wound her window down a little to let some fresh air in, and listened to the trickle of the stream that ran down the side of the car park and the pub’s beer garden. It looked like a wonderful place to spend a sunny afternoon, and she made a mental note to come here with Mark and the boys — when they were back.

‘Is it wrong that I’m nervous?’ Dexter asked.

‘I think there’s plenty to be nervous about.’

‘I don’t even know what I’m going to say. I’ve got this whole back story about how my nan had an affair with a bloke from Antigua. I’ve spent more time worrying about how I’m gonna explain the colour of my skin than I have trying to figure out what I want to ask him.’

‘It’ll come. Don’t worry. The main thing is getting ID on who he is. Then it’s a case of finding out who else he’s in contact with and narrowing it down to a suspect.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to fuck it up.’

‘You’re not going to fuck it up.’

‘I’ve always worried about letting people down.’

‘You’re not going to let anyone down.’

‘Yeah. I know. But I always worry about it. I always feel that pressure, y’know? I feel like I’ve let my mum and dad down by not being a doctor. I feel like I’m not doing enough for work, as if I should be at it twenty-four hours, constantly going over stuff.’

‘Alright. Firstly, you’re not far off. You spend far more time working over stuff than anyone else I know. And secondly, this is real-life policing. It’s not like the telly. It’s just a job. You leave it at the door.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t, do I? I always want to do everything the best I can.’

‘Yeah, well you’re lucky you’re able to get close. Try having kids and a husband running around. Plus… plus other stuff. You’re lucky you can do your best.’

‘I just don’t feel like I do, you know? I feel like I always come up short.’

‘You’re doing fine, Dex. More than fine. You have nothing to worry about. Trust me.’

‘That’s really kind and all that, but I dunno. I just feel like I have to—’

‘Dex, I’ve got cancer.’

In that moment, all sound stopped. The air no longer whistled past the window. The stream no longer trickled behind them. She’d waited so long to say those words, rolling them over her tongue for weeks and months, and now they were out. And they hung in the air with an atmosphere heavier than she’d ever expected.

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