When she’d taken on the case, she’d felt as if she was towering above it, able to look down and see what needed doing, what course needed to be charted. And now she was halfway down the river, floating in the wrong direction having totally misjudged the currents, without a paddle and with utter confusion reigning free inside her mind.

It wasn’t a feeling she was familiar with. She was used to being in control, having full confidence and feeling comfortable in her job. But this felt very different. Now, for the first time in her career — although not in her life — she felt confused and completely alone.

26

Caroline had always tried to ensure that Sundays were relaxing family days. The nature of police work meant that was far from guaranteed, particularly if shift work was necessary, but that was thankfully rare in Rutland CID.

She didn’t know if it was just tiredness, but she detected a different atmosphere from usual as Josh and Archie ate their breakfast. The boys were fine — the frostiness seemed to come from Mark. She guessed she shouldn’t be surprised. They hadn’t exactly been close lately, which she recognised but felt powerless to do much about. The further they drifted apart, the harder it was to open up and communicate.

As a couple, they’d always “got” each other. It was more of an unspoken understanding than anything else, and there’d never been the need for emotional heart-to-hearts or long, in-depth chats. The bedrock of their relationship had been that intense closeness which had meant they didn’t need to talk, but the advent of children had slowly eroded that closeness away until they’d been left with a perfectly functional and happy relationship, but one in which Caroline didn’t feel she was able to open up, even when she needed to.

It had certainly been far less eventful than the previous Sunday, and part of her felt slightly uneasy at having the day off. She was perfectly entitled to it, but she felt her presence would be much more welcome and needed at work than it was at home. Mark was reading a magazine on the sofa, the boys were playing in the garden and she was milling around, tidying up and doing very little. Rest days were important, but she didn’t half feel guilty when they came around.

The concept of a ‘rest’ day was almost laughable to her. Even if she could entomb herself for six months and hibernate, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t emerge feeling rested. It was an intense, long-term exhaustion which couldn’t be cured by a day off spent rearranging the teabags.

‘Dad, can you come and play football with us?’ Archie asked, poking his head through the gap in the patio doors.

‘Yeah, in a bit. Let me just finish this.’