Caroline glanced at the clock again. ‘It’s not about friends and enemies, Howard. It’s about shared experiences. I’ve… I’ve been there. Not exactly the same, but still a traumatic event at a young age. I… I had a brother.’ She felt a sudden surge of something inside her, a welling up of emotions she hadn’t addressed or spoken about for decades. ‘There was a… Something happened. Something that shouldn’t have happened. Something that could have been avoided. He died. And the worst thing is he didn’t need to. I… I’ve had to live with that all my life.’ The words tumbled out of her as the tears rolled silently down her cheeks. ‘I know you’re not going to believe me, but I’ve genuinely never told anyone this. Not for years. I don’t even know why I’m telling you, but here we are. I am. But that’s what happens, isn’t it? Things that should be buried, and which are buried for years, always bubble up to the surface. Nothing stays down. There’s only so long you can hide things and hope they’ll go away. Because they don’t, do they? And sooner or later something happens which means you’ve got no choice but to act on whatever it is you’ve repressed. And the feelings you should’ve dealt with years ago have to be dealt with in other ways. Is that why you did this now? Because of the tumour?’

‘We’re not here to talk about that. You know nothing.’

‘Trust me, I know far more than you think I do. I’ve got one too. On one of my ovaries. I’ve been having chemotherapy, but it hasn’t shrunk it enough. They’re talking about operating, but I don’t know. There’s so much going through my mind, I don’t know what to do or what’s going to happen.’

Smallwood was silent for a moment before speaking. ‘At least you’ve got a choice.’

‘Tell me,’ she whispered. She could hear his breathing getting heavier with emotion.

‘Glioblastoma. The most aggressive form of brain cancer. I’m at stage four. Same as the percentage of people who survive it. And those are the ones who get treatment.’

‘Are they not treating you?’

‘There’s no point. Most people are dead within a year. You know, when a doctor tells you that, you get this sense that you’re going to gradually get worse, but never really know when the end will be. What they don’t tell you is that you can absolutely feel the end coming. It’s why animals go somewhere safe and alone to die. They know what’s happening. Their body tells them.’

‘Is that what you planned to do? You said you were going away tonight.’