The kids were excited. “Footprints!” they shouted.

Natan closed his eyes. “Hands, please, one at a time.”

“Natan, give them a break,” Sean sighed. “They’re excited.”

Thank you.

“Everything we bring in, we pack out”—Natan barreled forward—“and how do we pack out all the things we bring in? Let’s start with feces.”

Oh, we definitely started with feces. Rolling it in cat litter, bagging it, tucking it into the backpack. His was a unique talent for making each detail as sordid as possible.

The kids tried for a while to not laugh, and then they gave in.

“Children,” Natan barked. “This is imperative. Especially young ladies, you need to understand that when the time comes for your moon blood—”

The boys howled. The girls were suddenly miserable.

“Whoa,” I shouted from my place in the back of the group, and I stood. “Natan, stop. Now.”

He gave me his sympathetic You poor, uneducated girl look. “Muiriel, I understand the male-dominated world has led you to believe that your monthly blood is not an appropriate topic, but please understand—”

“No, you understand. Stop saying ‘monthly blood’! The male-dominated world is you, co-opting a normal thing and turning it into your gross ‘moon blood’ Mother Earth crap. Just say ‘period’! Just say ‘menstruation’! Use actual words! All of you boys, shut it right now.”

They did. Eyes wide.

“Listen,” I said. “There is nothing gross about having a period; it’s why every one of you was born, so get over it. This is wilderness ethics, we’re not going into the entire process of the thickening of uterine lining and how it is expelled, but I’d suggest you all go read a few pages of a biology book or ask your parents to give you the lowdown. And boys, figure out your squeamish little insecurities before you come back to this class. That goes for you especially, Natan.”

He shook his head at me from his tree stump altar. “Muiriel,” he clucked. “Let’s try some harmony. We are all brothers and sisters here.”

“Natan,” Sean said. “We get it. We wrap and pack out sanitary products just like any other tissue or trash. Move on dot org.”

Thank you, I mouthed to him.

And he winked at me and then I died.

“Young ladies,” Natan said. “If I may speak frankly, you might take a more selfless tack. I suggest you refrain from exploring the wilderness altogether during your special time. Blood attracts predators such as bears and mountain lions. No need to put the rest of us in danger.”

My head whipped around to Sean, who was already on his feet.

In thirty seconds Sean had Natan’s arm in a firm hold, leading him to Jane’s office, and I had vehemently debunked the bears-and-blood bullshit for the kids, who seemed to understand and be properly creeped out by Natan in the first place, which helped.