I felt my clothes on me. I was dressed, as always, in the colors of a bruise: blue, black, gray. My wardrobe was made almost entirely of things found at Goodwill or hospice thrift shops, which I take a needle and thread to, Pretty in Pink–style, so everything more or less fits me. Fashionwise, everything I wear safely represents the last half of this decade, a few splurges from Target once in a while, just neutral enough to not draw attention from mean kids at school. My face, my body, my wardrobe all perfectly nondescript, and all I had.

But right then, for maybe the first time ever, I wished I had more. Or something different.

Sean kind of grimaced at the girls’ calls. He hugged Kira goodbye. “See you at Blackbird. And, Muiriel? I don’t really write sonnets. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Or poetry in general. See you Monday.”

Is he nervous?

“Sure thing, Seany,” Kira said, snapping her gum. He ducked his head a little, and we watched him walk back into the crowd. “Don’t hold it against him,” she said. “His mom is friends with Tiana’s mom. And mine. Small island. Also, he’s too nice for his own good. He’s the only guy in the world who’s super popular for not being a dick, and he’s completely oblivious—I mean, can’t he see those people are assholes to anyone who’s not in with them who’s not him? I think he thinks he can make them be nicer; he’s the resident life coach or some shit. But sincere—I mean, he means it, he just can’t see they’ll never change. Douchebags gonna douche. Sean is kind of the one thing everyone can agree on; he’s friends with everyone: the jocks, the stoners, even those basic bitches there, and he tutors the special ed kids….He’s Ferris Bueller without the narcissism.”

Not friends with Natan, I thought. Good to know he had some kind of line. I watched him laugh with the girls. In my experience, both extreme kindness and hyper assholery in people are almost always born of tragedy. Something happened to this kid.

Right on cue:

“His dad died when we were ten,” Kira said.

Knew it. God, how awful.

“He was a ranger, the dad. Like a…forest ranger? National park–type deal, wore the hat and everything.”

Well. That explained Sean’s love of the forest. Joellen would say, He comes rightly by it.

“Everybody loves him,” Kira said.

“Oh.” Including you?

“Except me. I mean, yes, I love him, but I’ve known him since I was little. He’s a less annoying second brother.”

Thank God. “Wait. Didn’t you just move here?”