This happens too often. She gets so excited and pumped up to do something, and then, when the moment comes and she finally has the time, something weighs on her and all of a sudden she can’t act.

Just put something down, she tells herself, remembering the advice from one of the comedians she read about.

In the slanted handwriting that she was always told was too messy, she writes, When the Only Place to Go Is Living with Your Uptight Sister.

She glances around the apartment and scribbles, My sister is beautiful. My sister is the reason I have low self-esteem. She’s scary. Snobby. Judgmental. Always makes me look bad. Probably why I should go to therapy.

Suhani and Zack will be at work for at least seven hours, so she has their entire place to herself. She stretches across their suede navy-blue sectional and pretends that this is her high-rise apartment, that these are her nice things, and that she has all her shit together. A tiny voice tells her to snap back to reality, but she ignores it. A little delusion never hurt anyone.

She gets up and walks around the apartment. Her gaze lingers on the large wedding photo in the front hallway. It’s of Suhani and Zack laughing as they put rose garlands around each other. Grains of rice are suspended in the air around them. The picture is sweet, but Natasha didn’t think it was special enough to be blown up and enclosed in a sterling silver Tiffany frame. Clearly she was wrong because the Atlanta Journal-Constitution thought it was special enough to feature it at the top of the Wedding section.

She moves back toward the living room and takes note of the modern artwork, designer shoe collection, and sleek Sonos surround-sound system.

I don’t have any of this.

Before she can push the thought away, she feels it burrowing into the corner of her mind with a barnacle-like grip.

She opens her notebook again.

My sister’s a shrink, which means she’s intuitive about people. And she really is! She knows JUST when I’m starting to feel good about myself because that’s the EXACT moment she shows up and makes sure I hate myself again! Isn’t that something? I should give a shout-out to her great work ethic but she’s been doing this since we were kids, so I think it’s just one of her many natural talents!

Not bad. Maybe it’s a little harsh, but she can tone it down later. It’s the first time in so long that an idea has come to her that all she can focus on is the tiny victory of putting something down on paper, something she can hear herself performing.

She scrolls back to her text thread and pulls up Ifeoma’s GIF.

Onward and upward.