“We thought we were protecting you,” she says. “You have to understand, anything having to do with mental illness was so stigmatized in India back then. We think it’s bad now, but it was much worse at that time. People who did know about what happened to me made me feel like I was cursed. Some of them even suggested certain prayers or rituals to make me ‘cleansed.’ And I’ve always been so scared I could have passed something down to the three of you. I guess Dad and I just wanted to move on from all this, start a new life. I quit acting after the first time. Not that I really had a choice. After everyone I was working with saw my”—she searches for the right word—“episode, I knew there was no way I’d ever be considered for a movie again. And then, after the second one, the psychiatrist said stress was a trigger, and I had to make sure to stick to a routine, not have a life where I’d be prone for this to happen again. Even with how tough all of it was, it’s strange to say I’m one of the lucky ones. I was able to return back to myself within a week and I’ve been more than fine ever since.”

Bina remembers the rise of excitement and fear that sprang in her when she and Deepak learned she was pregnant with Natasha, then Anuj. Deepak clutched her shoulder while the ultrasound technician rubbed jelly on her stomach and a hazy gray, black, and white figure appeared on the screen. Bina stuck the ultrasound pictures on her fridge even though she didn’t know what exactly she was looking at. In Bombay, it was considered bad luck to show anything related to the baby, but Bina had seen women in soap operas share their ultrasounds and she loved the idea. Years later, when Suhani was in medical school, she taught Bina how to make sense of the pictures.

“I can’t imagine how people in India must have reacted,” Natasha says. “You and Dad don’t even let me tell our extended family there that I’m sad or pissed off. It’s like any discussion of emotional health with other people is so off-limits even though Dad’s a psychiatrist.”

“It is. And that’s been a problem there for too long. A problem that we’ve carried over here. You’ve been through a more difficult time than I have,” Bina says.

“I don’t know about that,” Natasha says.

“I do.” Bina places a firm hand over hers. “Mine came out of nowhere, twice, and, yes, it was very scary. But I’m realizing you’ve always carried around this weight with you, haven’t you?”