“My entire family was overwhelmed when I first got sick,” Geraldine says. “Some of them have cut off talking to me altogether. But some have stuck around . . . so I guess that’s better than nothing. I think a few of my family members think I’m cursed or what I have is contagious or something.”

Natasha feels a stab of guilt as she imagines how tough that must be for Geraldine. She knows that no matter what, her family would never cut off talking to her. She thinks back to how she got into an explosive fight with Mom at Anuj’s graduation party during Dad’s speech, how she got too wasted at Suhani and Zack’s wedding and threw up on the dance floor at the reception.

Tears pool in her eyes as she remembers the arguments that ensued after each of those events. Despite how angry everyone was, within days, they were hugging her and telling her it was okay. She’s put her family through a lot and they still stick by her.

She pictures Dad, giving Mom and Anuj information on depression and medications. She pictures Suhani and Zack, figuring out what to do next. Maybe they’re all on the phone together. Mom has to be calling and texting Suhani nonstop. They must be so worried about her. She hates that she’s doing this to them.

Her mind drifts to something Dr. Chan brought up yesterday, when they were meeting one-on-one. As much as Natasha thinks Mom and Suhani are tough on her, is it possible that she’s also pretty critical of them? Does she hold them to a higher bar and pick apart their behavior more than she does for Dad or Anuj or even Zack? Does she see more of them in herself than she wants to admit?

The next morning, Natasha is awake before the call for breakfast. She sits up and gazes around the dark room. She’s immediately taken aback by it. Or rather, the absence of it. There’s no weight or haziness in her head.

She brushes her teeth, takes a long shower, and changes into a clean pair of scrubs.

It often boils down to just taking one step at a time, Dr. Chan said the other day. Getting out of bed. Making yourself get dressed. Sometimes you have to act first and the motivation will follow.

The giant clock above the doorway confirms that it’s seven a.m.

“I think I just slept—really slept—for the first time in months,” Natasha tells Alexis, who is reading Dear Girls by Ali Wong.

“That’s a sign you’re getting better!” Alexis grins. Yesterday she told Natasha she will be getting ready to leave soon. “You should tell Dr. Chan. Once they know you’re sleeping better and you say you don’t want to hurt yourself, they’ll start making a plan to let you go.”