My head was heavy and my face was starting to turn red. There was no moaning or rocking back and forth this time. I had cried on this couch a lot about Dave, but I knew this time he wouldn’t be coming over later with flowers. Lucy started creeping toward my chest. She was obviously very worried about what was going on with me. I scratched her head and she started to drool a little bit. I felt wetness on my hand, but I wasn’t sure if it was my fresh tears or her drooling. She was like a faucet. She stretched herself out across my stomach as if she were holding on tight. I imagined this was her thinking she was giving me a hug to make everything all right. I felt even more pathetic, and I squeezed my eyes tight and settled in for an ugly-face cry.

Maybe I should call him, I thought, maybe we can work through this. I was starting to feel panicked and regretful. The phone hadn’t rung; I clicked it on to make sure it wasn’t out of order, but I heard the expected dial tone. I scrambled up from the couch, dislodging Lucy, and dashed to the desk. After powering on my computer, I logged on to AOL to see if there was an e-mail from Dave. First I had to discard the usual porn spam that filled my inbox. Ever since I bought a vibrator online for a friend as a wedding shower gift, I’d been getting a dozen lewd e-mails every morning to get my day started. There was nothing from Dave. He had just left an hour ago—I didn’t know why’d I expected him to draft me something in so short a time.

My house was a virtual shrine of photos of us. I was always smiling big and he was always taking the photos. He loved documenting everything, and then giving me special black-and-white photos he had a lab print up special. I could have done with a little less picture taking, but I knew he did it because he loved me. Or did.

I took down the Christmas lights and slowly collected the framed pictures from their places of honor on the coffee table and the small table where I put my purse and keys when I came home. Everything went into a shoebox that I placed far back in my bedroom closet.