“Grant’s just the kind of guy that I would really go for. We would be really good together. He’s my type.” It felt good to obsess about someone other than Dave. I stewed some more, wondering what kind of woman would be a lesbian and would also somehow get fixed up with Grant. What matchmaker would say, “Hey, you like pussy, and so does my buddy Grant—you two would be great together!”

Lauren held her hands up to calm me down. “Maybe you should take a break from all this dating and just spend some time on your own.”

“I’m not good on my own. With Dave, things were so much better than they are now.”

“No, things weren’t ‘better with Dave.’ We never heard from you, ever. You could never make a plan—you were always holding out to see what Dave would spring on you. You would never make your own plans unless you knew for sure the two of you weren’t doing anything.”

“Lauren, that’s not—”

“Why do you wax poetic about this guy? What else did he have to do to show you what a dick he was? You never saw him clearly for who he was.”

“I did in the end,” I answered quietly.

Lauren pulled her wallet out of her purse. “What I’m trying to say is that I think you should maybe develop more of a relationship with yourself before you jump into another thing with some guy. Be on your own for a while.”

I stared back at her. “No way,” I shook my head. “That sounds like a horrible idea. How would being on my own ever make me feel better?”

“Well, I just think that you obviously have some issues you’ve never dealt with, you know, because of your parents being so crazy.”

“Yeah, well, they’re crazy, and they were shitty parents, but if you look at me now, a big success in Hollywood, they must have done something right. Right?” The wine and the conversation were beginning to make me a little agitated. A couple of people seated nearby turned and frowned at my loudness.

“You’re a success despite all of it,” Lauren said, “but you’re not happy, and I’ll say it again—you were never really happy with Dave, even when you were together.”

“That’s not true—and my parents didn’t make Dave mess around on me.”

“Then why did you sabotage it? Why did you go looking for something unless you were really prepared to find something?”

“I don’t know why I went looking.” I’d come to AOC to unload to Lauren about Grant. Bringing up Dave and my parents didn’t seem fair. Maybe she wasn’t as good a friend as I’d thought. I remembered how Lauren put Viagra in her boyfriend’s guacamole . . . like I’m the crazy one. It was time to go home.

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