Dave had directed an episode of Magnum Force last season for Morgan, and was hoping to be asked back this year to do more. I’d seen the family sometimes in the VIP first row pew at St. Monica’s for morning services.

One Sunday, Dave lingered in the lobby after morning church services, hoping to catch Morgan’s eye and casually reintroduce himself. I remember Dave introducing me and the great producer’s eyes locking on my breasts, hidden behind my fitted navy blazer, while he mumbled, “Nice to meet you.” Dave never noticed.

The only time I’d ever met Madison, she was lingering in the church lobby after midnight mass services on Christmas Eve. One of her older sisters leaned in and whispered something in her ear as Dave and I made our way toward them. I grasped his hand in an unconscious territorial move. I saw her dramatically exhale and roll her eyes to her sister before another sibling pushed her in the small of her back to step forward and say hi. My first impression of Madison was that she wore a lot of makeup. I’m talking a full face of matte MAC. I could tell she was still using the same base that she had purchased the previous summer. Her face didn’t quite match her neck.

“That was one of the cutest Christmas cards I’ve ever gotten,” Madison said. Dave and I had sent out a card with old pictures of the two of us as kids on Santa’s lap; inside the card we had a new picture of us both with Santa. It was cute, then; now it made me wince. It was the kind of card where the girl who got it would always say to her boyfriend, “Why don’t you ever want to do something like this?”

I remember being surprised that Madison Jasper would have been on Dave’s Christmas card list, but I shrugged it off back then, just figuring they’d met on the set sometime. Now they were getting married.

“Well, congratulations,” I said, my voice artificially strong. Suddenly I pictured them together at Jon and Catherine’s wedding in Mexico. He had tried to rent the Ocean View Villa for Madison. “I am a little surprised, but I guess I shouldn’t be.” I closed my eyes and definitely had “tears in my ears.”

“I’m glad you’re happy for us.”

Was I that good of an actress? Did he really think I was sincere?

“I just had a really tough time rebounding from what happened with us,” Dave went on. “When we broke up, I really felt like you had dragged me behind a truck. I never thought I’d be able to trust anyone again.”