My chest was tight. I was now committed to cracking this. I wouldn’t be denied. I had read once in Maxim that most men used their first name, the name of their pet, or the pet name for their penis as their password. Since I didn’t know the latter two, I entered g-r-a-n-t-k-a-t-z. This time, instead of the main screen coming back up, my screen went blue and then popped up with that aggressively cheery “Welcome to AOL” greeting.

My heart was beating hard. Speedracer11 had seven new messages. I clicked to enter the “New” messages box and scanned the subject lines. None of them seemed flirty or suggestive. I didn’t know what I was looking for.

I started clicking and opening the messages.

A friend confirming plans to play basketball that weekend. Now I knew what Grant did Sunday mornings.

He had mail from one of the writers from The Simpsons sending him some new pages for the next episode. There was also an e-mail from a college friend asking him about some tech stock.

I couldn’t make much out of any of these. There was nothing in criminating so far. I decided to click over to his “Sent” messages folder.

Blah, blah . . . e-mails to Mom, the writer guy, the college guy. A message to a friend whose e-mail was JoeinLA. My heart started thudding again as I scanned the e-mail Grant sent to JoeinLA. I made out the word dating. Backtracking, I started from the top.

Sorry I won’t be able to make the alum dinner this year. I’ve been finishing up my work on The Simpsons and I’ve been working on ideas for a new show on Fox. LA really is good, and Yes, I have been dating. I went out with a girl I really liked this week and I’m being fixed up with woman Saturday who’s also a lesbian.

I pushed back from the desk and said out loud, “A lesbian?” Grant was excited about his upcoming date with a lesbian?

I knew Grant had to have been referring to me as the girl he “really liked,” so if he liked me why was he taking out the lesbian? And he was taking her out tonight, Saturday night—that was prime time! I was obviously a second-position date when he relegated me to the Wednesday night slot.

I could feel my armpits start to get damp. My heart was beating a thousand times a minute. I pulled my chair back to the desk and started checking the e-mails I had read back into the “New” box. When I was done, I shut off my PowerBook. I just couldn’t stand the thought of being in second position, especially to a lesbian.