“Think about it,” she goes on, closing her book with a snap and throwing her legs over the side of the bed, Dinger giving her an unimpressed look but remaining on her lap. “Fast-forward to the part where Vanik and Manning are out of the picture, what happens then?” She waves a hand around the room. “This isn’t our home, Lyss. This is only temporary.” Her throat bobs. “Or, it is for me. My home is at Lengard. I know that sounds messed up given everything that happened there—all the lies and experiments and everything else. But I’ve lived there my whole life. Despite everything, it’s where I feel safe. Everyone I’ve ever cared about is there. In the same way that the Remnants consider these catacombs to be their haven, Lengard is that for me. And regardless of the deceit that led other Speakers there, it’s the same for them, too. It’s a place where we can all grow and learn control and be a family to each other. Lengard is … well, like I said—it’s our home.” She hesitates, before adding, “And I know … I know you’ve just learned that you might have your real family back now, but … I kind of hoped you’d started to think of Lengard as your home, too.”

My chest feels tight. I didn’t expect this turn in the conversation. I didn’t expect how it would feel to have to face everything that she’s saying. So much has been happening in such a short time that I never considered what might come after all this is over. I never considered what a normal life would look like to me, what it would feel like.

I never considered what the concept of home means to me. It’s been so long since I’ve experienced something like that, but Cami’s right—while most of my time spent at Lengard was like something out of a nightmare, after I moved in with her, it did become my safe place … my haven.

My … home.

Long ago, my home was with my family. But even if they were to magically walk through the door right now, I feel as if I don’t even know them anymore. Any home we once shared is gone. Lengard, however … somehow in the last nine weeks since I met Ward, and the last seven weeks I’ve been living with Cami … it’s become something special to me.

And yet …

I can’t help thinking about what I saw in my forgotten memories: the house with the armchairs in the living room; the easy way that my family and Falon conversed as I leaned casually against Riley’s legs; my bedroom with the posters and the peeling wallpaper; the blanket I curled up on, wrapped safely in my parents’ arms.

That was once my home. All of it.