Everything, Alice had said afterwards, had been perfect. And then I’d got down on one knee on a tiny side street sprinkled with a million fairy lights (I’d even chosen the location, scouting it out beforehand) and asked her to marry me. She’d said yes before I’d even got the ring out of the box. And then I’d kissed her and she’d called her parents as we walked home, waking them from an early night in their neat Georgian house in Surrey. They’d been delighted, and feigned surprise. And if I’d climbed into bed that night with a vague sense of unease, well, I’d told myself it was probably indigestion. The cracks were there, spreading invisibly. I think I’d just hoped if I tried hard enough I could make it all okay again.

It had only been a few weeks after the proposal that I told Alice I’d been offered a place. God, she’d been so disappointed in me. It was the first time I’d seen that side of her. She’d been humouring me all along, hoping I’d get a grip and stop having some sort of third-of-life crisis.

‘Can’t you just do voluntary work or donate some money to charity?’ she’d said, trying to brush it off.

‘I can’t – it’s not that simple,’ I’d replied.

‘You don’t have to make up for your dad dying by giving up your life and becoming a nurse,’ she’d said, trying to keep her voice even. I remember spreading my hands out on the table, looking down at them, wondering if she just needed a chance to get her head around the idea and get used to it.

‘It’s not that. I want to do something that makes a difference. I want to work with people.’

‘Why don’t you train as a doctor then? At least that’s . . .’ She’d paused, and the words had hung, unspoken, in the air.

‘I don’t want to be a doctor, that’s why.’

‘But you’d get a half-decent salary, at least.’ She’d barely been able to disguise how cross she was.

But the idea had been nagging away at me since those long weeks we spent in the hospital with Dad. It wouldn’t leave me alone. I wanted to be a nurse. I was going to be a nurse. And if Alice couldn’t get her head round it now, well, she’d get there in the end.

Weeks had passed, and Alice hadn’t said anything about my plans; it’s clear now she was hoping it would all go away. Occasionally she’d throw me the odd barbed comment about playing nurses, but other than that she carried on as normal. It was a bit weird, when I look back on it.