‘No.’ I haul up my jeans, buttoning the fly. My T-shirt’s inside out and hanging over the bedside lamp. Bloody hell. ‘Us,’ I say, voice muffled from inside the T-shirt as I pull it on. This isn’t who I am. It’s not who I want to be. It’s not about Emma – I like her a lot – and it’s not about anyone else, either. It’s just . . .

‘Oh come on, Alex,’ says Emma, in a cool voice. ‘I’m not asking for your hand in marriage. We got pissed; we had sex.’

‘Shh,’ I say, putting a finger to my lips.

Emma laughs for a moment and then looks at me as if she’s sizing me up, raising her chin slightly, her eyes narrowing almost imperceptibly.

‘Jess isn’t here, don’t worry.’

‘What d’you mean?’ I say.

‘Nothing.’ She rolls over, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. ‘Just passing comment.’

‘There’s nothing going on with me and Jess.’

‘Never said there was.’

I feel like a complete arsehole.

‘It’s just sex, Alex,’ she says, in a clear voice, as I open the door to leave. I feel my cheeks stinging red. I am so shit at this whole relationship/no relationship thing.

Something’s got to change. I stand in the shower, letting it run almost cold to try and wash off the hangover and the crappy feeling that I’ve made an idiot of myself. Afterwards I pick up my keys and my phone and head out into the autumnal drizzle. I walk up to the café in Little Venice, picking up a property paper on the way past the estate agent and sit brooding over the prices of houses until my coffee goes cold and I have to order another.

‘Anything to eat?’ Lona, the café owner, looks at me appraisingly. ‘You look like you could do with something to soak up a hangover. Panini? Some soup?’

I thank her and order a panini, then sit in the corner by the window, looking out at the crowds of people bustling past wrapped up against a weirdly early cold snap. The leaves have turned already, and the slender poplar trees are already half-bare, their long branches reaching up to the sky like slender fingers. It’s going to be a cold winter.

‘Here you are, my love.’ Lona slides a plate in front of me, the panini steaming hot. ‘And I’ve made you another coffee on the house. You look like you’ve got the cares of the world on your shoulders.’

‘Something like that,’ I say. ‘Thank you.’

I wait for my food to cool and stare into space. Something has to change. I saw Becky before I left, and she looked seriously shifty. She gave me an odd look and sidled past me in the hallway. I’m pretty sure she’s guessed something is up. I’ve been taking the piss with the whole no-relationships thing, carrying on with Emma the way I have. I can’t help wondering if it’s time for a fresh start. I’ve screwed this up. Abeo and Oli, two of my friends from work, said the other day they were looking for a new place. We’d be on placements loads more in second year, and maybe living with other nurses would make more sense. But even if we found a grotty place the rent would be sky high compared to Becky’s house.