“And he did that to you, too.”

“If someone hurts me so many times I can’t get over it, I’d be more likely to kill them than myself,” I tell her.

Lisa pours herself more wine and adds some to my half-full glass. Glug, glug, glug. She removes a small makeup bag from a drawer in the coffee table and unzips it to bring out a vaporizer pen and a prescription bottle.

“You want some?”

It’s not bad, I tell myself. Wine is made from grapes. Marijuana comes from a plant. All natural.

It’s not the same as pills.

I’ll be sobered up by the time Eli gets home from the concert.

I deserve a little relief, don’t I?

I swirl the wine in my glass. I could drink the whole bottle, and I’d get drunk, but it wouldn’t make me want more. I want the weed, but that’s one step onto a slippery set of stairs waiting for me to fall down them.

“No, thanks. I’m good,” I tell her. “I’ll have to get home before Eli gets home.”

Her laugher is rueful. “I shouldn’t either, but I will, because I don’t have anyone coming home to me tonight.”

We both fall silent.

“I’m sorry,” I say after a couple of seconds.

Lisa waves a hand, drinks, tops off her glass. “My own fault. If you date a married man, you can’t be surprised when he decides to go to his kid’s birthday party with his wife.”

“Why do you keep seeing him, then?”

“Because every time I tell him it’s over, he comes back around and tells me he’s sorry, that it’ll be different. I never believe him. Honestly,” Lisa says, “I don’t even want to be with him all the time. I like the fact he’s got someone else he needs to be responsible to, because it gives me a lot of freedom. I just want him to be honest about how he feels, and of course, asking a man to be honest about his feelings …”

“Or honest about anything.” My laugh is harsh and choking, and I put my glass on the table so I can cover my eyes with both my hands. “I’m considering your advice about the ladder.”

“Oh, honey.” She’s at my side in an instant, her arm around me. She smells of wine and weed and perfume, but I let her pull me close anyway. “That sucks. Did you find out for sure that he’s been cheating?”

“He’s been lying about where he’s traveling. There are odd charges on the credit card. His pay isn’t getting deposited, I’m worried about paying bills … Everything is falling apart all around me. I’m trying to hold onto it all, but it’s slipping through my fingers. I’m taking out a life insurance policy on him, that’s how messed up this is.”

Sobs burst out of me. Lisa lets me cry for a minute or so, then hands me some tissues. She pats my back as I get myself under at least a little bit of control.