Eli’s eyelids flutter, and he closes them tight for a second or so before opening them. He pulls slightly away. I let go of him. His voice is hoarse, but his tears are drying. “And we can be with my real dad.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “What?”

“Christian,” Eli says. “I know you’re in love with him, Mom. And I know I gave you a hard time about it, but I was being a dick. But he told me all about it, how you guys were together since you were my age. And now that Dad’s in jail, Christian can come back.”

“Oh, no, honey. No. That’s not going to happen.” I shake my head, as much to emphasize this negative answer as to throw out any hopeful thoughts my son’s idea has put into my head.

Eli scowls. In his fury, he looks more like Ken than he does me. I can see his father, his real father, in the lines of his furrowed brow, the parentheses at the corners of his mouth. My son might wish he wasn’t related to Ken, but the truth is written all over his face.

“Fine, then. You don’t have to be with him, if you don’t want to. But I’m going to go live with him, then. He said I could!”

I am slapped back by this. The horror of it rakes me up and down with jealous claws. I am rent open with it.

“You can’t go and live with him, Eli. He’s a stranger. And he’s not your father. I’m sorry if he told you something different. And I know it sucks to think that you’re related to your dad. But he is your father. Not Christian.”

“Why do you want me to think he’s lying to me?” Eli cries and stands, pushing me back not with his fists but his words.

I stand my ground. “Because it’s what he does!”

Softening a bit, I add, “Anything Christian told you was for his own reasons, Eli. I already told him you were not his child. And I can tell you that I am a hundred percent sure that even if he does believe you’re his kid, he has no intention of being a real part of your life. If he did, he’d be here, wouldn’t he?”

“He promised he was coming back to talk to you.”

“He texted you?”

“I texted him,” Eli says. “But this time, he replied.”

We both go quiet, breathing hard. I swallow carefully to form my next sentence. My heart is breaking, and I am livid with rage once more at the man who’d decided he could swan in and out of my life for so many years. At how he’s messed with my son.

“Christian lies, Eli. He’s always lied to get his own way, and he lies to get people to do what he wants them to do. He manipulates people who care about him, and he always will. He’s not even a real surgeon. He flunked out of med school. He didn’t leave because I chased him off. He ran away because he was afraid he was going to get caught for selling those pills. He ran away because that’s what he does. He lies, and he lets you down. I’m sorry.” My breath hitches on a sob I hate myself for.