“You think we knew all along?”

We stare at each other, her eyes searching mine. I’m being interrogated without even a word. She won’t see what she’s looking for, no matter what she thinks. How could I have known? The man who insisted on family dinners and keeping traditions, who never indulged in intoxicants, who never even swore or raised his voice in anger, how could he be any kind of killer, much less one who preyed on children?

“I never in a million years would have thought Ken could be capable of doing anything like that,” I tell her, and it’s the truth.

She nods again, maybe not convinced, but willing for the moment to let it pass. “Can you get me those statements right now?”

“I have some older ones in my file drawer. I’ll get them. But I’ll have to print out the more recent ones. That could take some time.”

“Are you going to arrest my dad?”

Detective Anderson looks at Eli. “I’ll be honest with you, Eli. I hope so.”

“Me too,” he says.

He excuses himself to go upstairs, and I pause with him in the hallway. “Don’t read the forums, Eli. Not right now. Promise me? Don’t do that to yourself right now.”

He nods. I hug him, tight. I grab my laptop from my bedroom and take it downstairs to the kitchen, where the detectives are waiting.

“I can log in with this, but the printer is in Ken’s office. I guess you probably want to see it, anyway.”

“I’ll check it out with you. Sure.” Phipps follows me into the basement.

I print out as many statements as I can before I run out of paper, but Detective Phipps says it’s enough for now. He takes a look around the office without touching much and tells me not to do anything in here. They’re going to have to come back, I guess, with some kind of legal documentation.

They leave, promising me they’ll return tomorrow.

I wait until all the cars are gone before I go out the back sliders and across the dug-up mess of my backyard. I need to talk to Christian. I need something from him. Something to take the edge off. Bitter candy.

His car isn’t in the driveway. When I get to the carriage house, the door stands open. I call his name anyway, pushing inside. The place is gutted, basically. In the bedroom, all of his clothes are gone. Nothing personal in the bathroom, either. Standing in the ruin of the kitchen, I have to cover my mouth with both my hands to hold in my sobs.

He’s gone.

CHAPTER
36

I WANT TO BE stoned right now. I want to lose myself in the dim, the shroud, the veil. I want to sink into the warm, deep waters of oblivion, not giving one single fuck about anything that’s going on. But, like my grandma’s pendant lamps and the kitchen cabinets, like every promise he ever made me, Christian has taken it all away.