“You’re serious.”

“Dead.”

Christian gives me a grudging smile. “And what if I don’t? What if I just walk away?”

“I’ll go to the police and tell them you were the last person to see Beth alive. I’ll tell them about the prescriptions, and I’ll make them guarantee Eli stays out of it.” I won’t. Of course I won’t. But the look on his face says he believes I might.

“But I wasn’t.”

“They’ll come after you anyway.”

“I’ll tell them that you offered me money to shove your husband off a ladder.”

“You can’t prove it,” I tell him. “Not even having a life insurance policy proves it. I told the agent it was because he traveled all the time, and he does. Money never crossed hands. I can’t be convicted of thinking, but I bet you can go to prison for writing prescriptions without a medical license.”

“What we have here seems to be a little case of mutually assured destruction,” Christian says. “But fine, it’s a deal. And only because you’re so fucking sexy right now. Do you know that?”

I do know it. I feel sexy. Powerful, strong. For the first time in a long, long time, I don’t feel afraid.

When he kisses me, I slap him in the face. The swing goes a little wild, but tears make it hard for me to focus. The blow clips his chin. Sends him back. He rubs it, but his expression is of grudging respect.

“You’re lucky it was with an open hand, not a fist,” I tell him. “Don’t you ever touch me like that again.”

Christian snorts soft laughter. “You can pretend all you want, but you wanted that more than I did.”

My voice crackles, all sharp edges. I try not to speak, but I do anyway.

“I loved you,” I tell him, at last. At first. I’ve never said it before, not once, not in all these years. “So much. Don’t you understand that? I loved you. I needed you, and you were never there for me. Never.”

For the first time, Christian looks taken aback. His lips part, but all that comes out is a sigh. His eyes widen, then narrow. I have revealed myself too deeply.

My fists clench at my sides. Tears slip, burning, down my cheeks. “You’ll never understand that, because the only person you could ever love is yourself.”

He says my name, slowly, under his breath, and turns away. I haven’t moved him to some kind of tender emotion; he doesn’t have it in him. Still, his shoulders hunch for a second or so before he looks back at me.

“Is it true? The rumors from back then?” He moves away from me, his turn to pace.

“You know it wasn’t a rumor.”

He turns back. “We were kids, Jewelann. What was I supposed to do? Marry you? We were still in high school, for fuck’s sake. I had my whole future ahead of me.”

“And look what a great job you did with it.” My voice runs thick with sarcasm.