I suppose we couldn’t bear it, though. If we knew what was going on in each other’s heads. Poor John. If he knew what I’m thinking. He’s being boring. He wasn’t as a child. Much more lively.

It keeps coming back to me, this same perception: old and young minds see things clearly. Children’s minds are unclouded. They see things as they are. They’re never afraid to ask questions. And, mostly, they’re happy. Old minds end up worn down, worn out. Now they can be restored. All we know, and have felt and learnt can be ready to be used and help the world. If only everyone would agree to it.

I’d like to go on living for a few more years, to see if I can find a way to make myself heard. I wonder how long I’ve got? The way I feel, I could go on forever.

I don’t fancy it. But I can’t quite call a halt, like Cecilia did. I’m not ready. Will I ever be? This conversation with John is enough to make me give up. Then look. The trees. The light. Birds. The breeze. I can’t ever stop wanting this. Can I? ‘All my possessions for a moment of time.’ She said that – Queen Elizabeth the First. Another moment. We never are ready for the very last one.

‘Did you hear what I said?’ John looks at me.

I laugh. I’m embarrassed. He thinks I’m losing it again, slipping back into the darkness. I’m bored, that’s all. He’s been telling me all about their plans for the house, endlessly. Home improvements. At a time when the world is turning upside down.

‘Yes, of course. Sorry. What were you saying?’

‘I knew it. I said we were improving the house, because I have a new job.’

Did he? Maybe I am losing it.

‘Doing what?’

‘You know I told you we decided to look into getting a Helper for our family?’

I have no recollection of this, either. Now I’m beginning to worry. No, I’m not losing it, but I am guilty of not paying him enough attention. I’m allowing my own thoughts to distract me.

‘How lovely. If you get one like Winifred she’ll transform your lives.’

‘Yes, yes, true – anyway, I did a bit of research, and it turns out they need people with my experience – you know, in sales – in the synthetic human business.’

‘Really? I’d have thought they’d sell themselves. In every sense.’

‘What? Oh – you mean, they’d have synthetic sales people?’

‘And they hardly need selling. They’re so obviously wonderful.’

‘Mum, you underestimate the importance of a good salesman. The human touch. People value it. They trust a human – you know, we see things the way they do, which can’t be said of a synthetic human. A Helper.’