‘Nobody could parent at the level they want,’ says Charlotte. ‘All children demand more than their knackered old parents can manage. Do you know what I heard Tom say the other day to his friend Sam? “Does your mum like gin?” And Sam replied, “What – lady-petrol?” And they both fell about laughing.’

I laugh too, which gets me a poke in the ribs.

‘Whatever gets you through the day,’ I say.

‘Seriously, though. They’re not going to let it go. What do we say?’

‘About a synthetic human? A Helper? I don’t know, they’ll cost an arm and a leg.’

‘Two arms and two legs, minimum. We don’t want a lopsided one.’

We both laugh now.

‘You’re considering it, aren’t you?’ I say.

‘Why not? Your mum’s a big fan, it seems. Why should the old biddies be the only ones to get them?’

‘Charlotte! If Mum ever was an old biddy, I think she’s transcended it now. Seriously, though.’

‘Seriously. Find out what they cost.’

‘Really?’

‘Everyone’s talking about it.’

‘OK, I will.’

The children reappear with two carrier bags, full of coins from their piggy-banks.

‘Look – we’ve got loads of money here,’ says Tom. ‘You can have it to buy a Winifred. OK? Not anything else. Not gin.’

Charlotte and I burst out laughing, and we hug both our adorable children. Maybe a Helper would give us more time with them. It’s got to be worth the price, whatever it is.

July 2022

Margaret

We’re going to the seaside. I feel like a little girl again. I really do.

Everyone’s excited. A coach is coming in a minute, and we’re all milling around in the atrium, noisy as schoolchildren on a day trip. Which is pretty much what we are. Even the Helpers seem excited, although that’s impossible.

Our moment of celebrity has passed. The journalists are no longer encamped in the car park, thank goodness. They hung around for a while after the press conference, until Eldercare announced they were launching an emporium selling various kinds of Helper. Off went the journalists to see. And as for the nanobots, they’re on the NHS now, so we’re old news. In every sense. It was nice while it lasted.

‘I’ve never seen the sea,’ says Winifred. ‘Of course I’ve seen pictures, and read all about it.’

‘And what have you learnt?’ I ask her.

‘It’s saline. Every major element can be found in seawater, though some are in minuscule proportions—’

‘Can I interrupt you, dear? No doubt what you’re telling me is true. But it seems to miss the point a bit.’

She looks crestfallen.

‘Oh, I’m sorry, Winifred – I didn’t mean to hurt your – your feelings…’

‘Don’t worry, Margaret. Of course you haven’t. How could you? I was automatically responding as a human the way my personality would.’