Kelli ignored him. She was intent on whatever it was she was doing there against the doorframe, whatever prayers or benedictions she was whispering. Perhaps she simply didn’t want to leave the room. To leave me alone with Trevor. I let myself imagine, for just a moment, that Kelli was feeling protective. That she was looking after me for a change. That she had paused, in the doorway, in a show of solidarity.

We faced off over the kitchen table. “Are you going to leave?” I said.

“Not until we work this out,” said Trevor.

“We can’t work this out,” I said, “until you leave.”

“Now, Karie, you and I both know that doesn’t make one goddamn iota of sense.”

“You can’t just show up in the middle of the night. You can’t just climb into bed with —”

“I am a member of this family,” said Trevor, speaking loudly to drown out whatever I was going to say next. “That’s what your mom wanted. And that’s what you wanted, until you got all these ideas in your head.”

“That’s not what I wanted,” I said.

“Oh, so you just wanted a manservant, then, is that it? It’s fine having me around as long as I’m bowin and scrapin.”

“I never wanted that either!”

“What did you want then, Karie, you tell me because I’ll be fucked if I can figure it out. You want a shoulder to cry on and you want someone to save your ass from Adult Protection and you want someone to look after your dying mother because you’re too much of a big shot to come home and do it yourself —”

“She never wanted you,” I blurted. My god, my rational mind spoke then, don’t argue with him. Don’t actually rise to his arguments, this isn’t about justifying yourself, this is about getting him out. I bit down on what I wanted to say next, but Trevor’s eyebrows descended and he glowered at me.

“You don’t know what the fuck she wanted. How could you? You weren’t here.”

“You bullied her,” I said. “Just like you’re bullying me.”

Trevor reared back in disbelief. He touched his chest as if to say Moi? Then he shoved his face at me.

“You listen here. I woulda cut my heart out for your mom, and that’s the truth.”

“You don’t know how to do it right,” I said.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nobody wants you to cut your heart out. Nobody’s asking for that. That’s not how you help people. You don’t know how to help people. All you know how to do is crush them.”

Trevor stood up so suddenly it made me flinch. He was like an animal under attack trying to make itself bigger.

Why didn’t you shut up, spoke my rational mind, when I told you to shut up?

“All I fucking do for you Petrie women,” he said, “is give. I give and give and give. And I keep thinking, Maybe now. No? Ok, how about now? No, eh? Ok, so what exactly do I have to do? Tell me what I have to do, Karie. What is it you people actually want from me?”