She sipped her beer, her irritation increasing. “It’s foolish not to pick the very best for your key missions.”

He eyed her, amused. “So now you’re saying I’m not the best?”

“That is not the point, damn it, Phil, and stop patronizing me…”

But then Adam Bleeker came in — one of Phil’s crew, another probable Mars-walker — and there was another round of general backslapping and joshing.

For a while York joined in the wider conversation.

Her thoughts drifted back, ignobly, to her selection gripes.

She drank a little more beer; it was warming up, and tasted sour. She put the glass down and wiped her damp palm on a napkin.

She left the bar. She suspected half the guys were so far gone already they didn’t even notice her leaving.

She was going to have to get this out of her system.

Without stopping to think about how smart it was, she drove straight back to JSC and stormed into Muldoon’s office.

Muldoon was working through a pile of paper. “Natalie. You want a coffee? I can send Mabel to—”

“No.” She realized, suddenly, she was trembling; it seemed to be coming from somewhere deep down inside her. From three years of frustration inside NASA. From Ben’s wasteful, needless death. From the fact that I’m thirty-three years old, and I’ve thrown away my academic career just so I can get to spend months in low Earth orbit, watching MEM components slowly degrade.

Or, she thought, maybe they’re all correct. Maybe I’m just a goddamn hysterical woman after all.

Muldoon was watching her sharply. “I thought you’d be pleased at getting a seat in one of the prime crews.”

“I am.”

He sat back and sighed. “But you want to go to Mars. And you can figure out the implications of the crew rotations as well as anyone else.”

“Damn it, Joe, I’m far and away the best mission specialist for Mars surface operations. You know that; I should be in line for the F mission, so I can get out there and do what I’m having to teach everyone else!”

He steepled his fingers. “All I can tell you is, we’re going to follow the rotation system. If it works out that Phil Stone takes his crew to Mars, then so be it; and if things get messed up or delayed for some reason, and your crew gets back in line — through the normal rotation system — then you’ll have your chance. And maybe, if there’s a second or third landing—”