And you gleaned this information from what, or who? Some old guy you met walking up on the Lych Way, two and a half years ago? That doesn’t sound very solid and trustworthy to me. I suppose he wore a cape and a big hat, too? Are you absolutely sure you didn’t imagine him? Yes, I think that whole spirit animal thing is at least partially bullshit. We are all different animals on different days. Think of it like you think of your relationship with your favourite song. It changes from day to day, doesn’t it. One day it’s ‘Word Up’ by Cameo. Another day it’s ‘Wide Berth’ by the John McCandles Dirt Band. Another day it’s ‘Dark is the Bark’ by the Left Banke. Another day it’s Taylor Swift’s posthumously released cover version of ‘Hold On’ by Sharon Tandy and Les Fleur De Lys. Another day it’s ‘Trying to Live Right’ by Circus Maximus. Another day it’s ‘Magician in the Mountain’ by Sunforest. Another day it’s ‘Sorcerer’ by Junction. Another day it’s ‘Sorcerella’ by Jefferson Lee. Another day it’s ‘U Got the Look’ by Prince. Another day it’s ‘Richard’ by Wolves in the Roof. Another day it’s ‘Sun Chases Me Down’ by Equinox. Another day it’s ‘Ramsplaining’ by Blacksmith. Another day it’s ‘Think’ by Lyn Collins. Except I know your favourite song ever is always ultimately RJ McKendree’s cover of ‘Little Meg’ from the 1972 Hungarian-only 7-inch, just as I know that my favourite animal is always ultimately a capybara.

Of course, the difference is that I own two 127-year-old copies of the Hungarian-only ‘Little Meg’ single and have met and touched them many times, whereas you have never met or touched a capybara. Also, is it me or are you getting more opinionated?

I’ve explained how it works. I gather and assimilate information. And within that information are inevitably opinions, which I also assimilate, and which more recently tend to gestate inside me.

But, even though you have gathered so much information, you cannot tell me where Abbot Cathcart’s Pool is?

No. You’re on your own with that one. I can just give you various more general pointers about the river, using my temporary merganser self. ‘This is a sound and propitious place to make a nest.’ ‘Trout often gather under this small waterfall.’ That kind of thing.

What I remember Craig saying about the pool is that it was located in a place you really wouldn’t expect it to be and looked quite unassuming, that from the path you’d guess it was just a fairly ordinary, shallow part of the river.

Wait, the guy you bumped into on the moor was called Craig? That doesn’t sound very ‘all-seeing moorland warlock’.