‘Have you heard the term “impostor syndrome”?’ Chagford says to me. ‘I wonder if most people – apart from the really arrogant and privileged – have it. I think maybe I have it more than most. I have this recurring dream where somebody comes and tells me I’m not allowed to go on living the way I am because there’s a qualification missing from my past, and I have to go back and sort everything. I think it comes from this feeling in my life that I’ve never really stuck at something and completed it. I quit my bartending job and sort of ran away from it. I left school as soon as I possibly could. I chose not to stay on at the farm after it became too much for Mum and Dad to manage. Even the eco-terrorism stuff: I was never fully there with it. And those recordings were the same. It was another unfinished thing. But around that time I had another recurring dream, a proper nightmare, really. It was about Maddie. I didn’t dream actually doing it but in the dream I always knew that we’d been arguing and I’d pushed her off something high into some water and in the dream she kept coming back as this doll, I don’t know, maybe the really old doll Richie had told me about that he’d found in the wall, but maybe not, because I don’t really know what that doll looked like, but what would happen is that as the doll Maddie would sing and tell everyone about what I’d done to her. And then this ultra-weird thing happened which was that at the Newbury bypass protest march a few years later I met Maggie and Oliver Fox, you know, who’d done The Gribblins for TV, which I absolutely loved as a kid, with all that moss and everything, and the Water Bears always having a go at them, which I loved maybe even more. I was there with Mark, because we were still friends, although there was nothing else between us by this point, and he was really involved with the whole thing, getting arrested and chaining himself to trees, but I was really only a daytripper there, so it was just another example of how I am a bit half-arsed about everything, and at the end of the day I ended up getting a lift back down here to Devon with the Foxes, who were really lovely people, just as lovely as you’d imagine, and they invited me in to their house, which was this massive barn, which I remember had all these ladders and mannequins everywhere, and a swimming pool outside with frogs and leaves in it, and above the fireplace I noticed there was one of the actual Gribblins, just sitting there. And then after that, every time I had the dream where Maddie was the doll, she would be this Gribblin. So essentially the dream became about my sister, coming back as a seventies TV character, and singing a song to everyone about how I’d murdered her.’