Enter Sonia. She is in a sparkling sequin gown that takes over the room. She’s wearing glittering earrings, bracelets and a tiara. She looks very good. It might be a beautiful, strong turquoise color. She doesn’t look like the Evil Queen in Snow White. But she does look good.

SONIA (in a Maggie Smith voice) Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? Is it me, Sidney? Tonight, let it be me.

MASHA What is that you’re doing?

SONIA (her regular voice) I’m the Evil Queen from Snow White, as played by Maggie Smith on the way to the Oscars.

MASHA Well, Maggie Smith has nothing to do with . . . oh, never mind, I give up, it’s fine. You’re the Evil Queen, that’s what I’ll tell everyone.

SONIA (in Maggie Smith voice) As played by Maggie Smith about to win an Oscar. Oh, Sidney, do you think I’ll win? I already have one Oscar for Miss Jean Brodie—(does her Maggie Smith voice with Scotland accent) “Little gels, I am in the business of putting old heads on young shoulders”—(back to the core Maggie Smith voice)—but it would be lovely to win a second Oscar, my first one is so lonely on the mantelpiece. Do you agree, Sidney? Will I win tonight? Tonight let it be me, Sidney.

SPIKE Sidney? Sidney Kowalski?

MASHA It’s Stanley Kowalski, not Sidney Kowalski.

SONIA (in Maggie Smith voice) Sidney, I may have to get a little drunk before they read the nominations. Don’t go traipsing off to other tables, leaving me unattended. Not tonight, Sidney.

MASHA I don’t understand what she’s doing.

VANYA Sonia is doing Maggie Smith in California Suite. She plays an actress married to a gay man named Sidney, played by Michael Caine, and in the movie they go to the Oscars together.

SONIA (in Maggie Smith voice) That’s right. In the film she plays an actress nominated for an Oscar who then doesn’t win the Oscar, poor thing . . . But in her real life she was nominated for playing the nominated actress, and then went on to WIN it. The nominated actress who lost the Oscar became the nominated actress who won the Oscar. It was all rather Pirandellian. And rather cheeky.

MASHA You look very good tonight, Sonia. (pause) I think we should switch costumes.

SONIA What?

MASHA No, I’m kidding. I’m making a self-aware joke about how competitive I am. Spike, go to the kitchen and see if Nina has gotten tangled up in a doorknob or something.

SPIKE Okay.

He exits.

MASHA I don’t know why I thought going to a costume party would be fun. And every time I come to this house, I get unhappy.