DrinkWithMe: Poor, lonely Bisley Balls. No one to have phone sex with.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Have you had phone sex?

DrinkWithMe: Once. The guy came when I whispered out a moan. He was into ASMR.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Why do you have such a fascinating life?

DrinkWithMe: I’ve been around, Bisley. I have life experience.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: You do. Makes me think I’m not life-ing properly.

DrinkWithMe: You are. You’re just on a different path than others. I’m sure when you get to where you want to be, there will be opportunities to help you “life” hard.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: You’re being nice to me.

DrinkWithMe: I think it’s this beer I’ve been nursing while lying on my bed . . . naked.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Naked, huh? Care to share a picture of that?

DrinkWithMe: Sounds intriguing, possibly something I could see myself doing, but not quite sure you’re ready for a free show. Not sure you earned it yet.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I think you’re right. Those tits are worth way more than a conversation in your DMs.

DrinkWithMe: Ooo, you’re making me all hot with your nice-boy charm. Tell me something else.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I was taught how to wipe the outer edge of the toilet bowl before I put the toilet seat down.

DrinkWithMe: Oh God, that’s hot. More. Tell me more.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I thoroughly scrub my balls every day and manscape so when a woman goes down on me, she has the cleanest cock to suck on.

DrinkWithMe: A true gentleman. Mmm . . . give me one more.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I always let the woman come first.

DrinkWithMe: That . . . you . . . do.

* * *

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I overheard one of the guys on my team talking about this Only Fans account that he follows because he loves the girl’s feet. I nearly choked on my protein bar.

DrinkWithMe: Oh, a local customer. I wonder if it’s me. Feet With Me is my name on Only Fans. You should ask him if that’s the one he likes.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Not gonna do that. I don’t want him thinking I’m into feet like him. The dude is weird. I don’t want to bond over foot porn. Also . . . Feet With Me? That’s not very original.

DrinkWithMe: It’s all about the branding. *eye roll* Honestly, Granddad, it’s as if you’re not in your twenties when you say things like that.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: I barely know how to post on social media, let alone know anything about branding. Now, if you want to talk about the different spins on a baseball, that I can talk about.

DrinkWithMe: Hurry, go post another thirst trap before I get bored with you.

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: Your wish is my command . . .

* * *

DrinkWithMe: So, uh . . . are those abs real?

Ryot.Bisley.Balls: LOL! Saw my picture today, did ya?

DrinkWithMe: Happened to come across it. Liked that subtle hint of abs as you lifted your shirt to dry off your forehead. Could have used the towel draped over your shoulder, but who am I to complain?